some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Is this a two-part question structure question?
Nowadays,
children
use their smartphones
many hours each day. Improving technological devices
and internet
Add an article
the internet
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
children
addicted to their devices
and people argue that using too much smartphone
has benefits or drawbacks Fix the agreement mistake
many smartphones
to
Change preposition
for
children
.
The first reason is that they are influenced by their friends and family members. Children
are curious about everything, and they take role models of their parents
. If their parents
spend more time
on smartphones
, children
will think that it can be useful for them. Also
, many parents
give tablets or smartphone
to their Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
child
when they are busy at home. Fix the agreement mistake
children
Children
are addicted to smartphones
from the first event when they interact with it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
For example
, smartphones
have various applications such
as games and social media platforms. Some research shows that children
whose age
are between 5 and 8 tend to be addicted to something and if Fix the agreement mistake
ages
parents
give their mobile devices
to their children
, after two weeks, they want to spend more time
on smartphones
.
Spending hours on smartphones
has several negative effects on children
’s development. When the children
are in their early growing age and if they are addicted to smart devices
, they will not listen
their Add the preposition
listen to
parents
because they want to play with smartphones
. Moreover
, these children
have
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
empathy and ambition. Change preposition
apply
The
recent study Correct article usage
A
displays
that Verb problem
shows
children
who are spending
much Wrong verb form
spend
time
on smartphones
bad
at their lessons and it is hard to understand other individuals’ emotions.
In conclusion, spending too much Add a missing verb
are bad
time
on smartphones
Correct your spelling
every day
everyday
has several drawbacks to Correct your spelling
every day
children
’s Change the word
mental
mentally
development and there several reasons why Replace the word
mental
children
often use technological
Add an article
the technological
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
device
every day.Fix the agreement mistake
devices
Submitted by atakantemizkan0 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Make sure the essay directly addresses both parts of the question clearly. The 'why' aspect and whether it's positive or negative should be distinct.
Task Achievement
Expanding on the given examples and including more specific research or statistics could strengthen the argument and provide more support to your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay begins well by setting a context, but ensuring a smooth flow between ideas can greatly enhance readability. Use connecting words to achieve this.
Task Achievement
In the conclusion, instead of summarizing the points made, consider directly stating your opinion on whether it's a positive or negative development, as the question asks.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing paragraphs around a single main idea for clarity and focus.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have effectively used an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure.
Task Achievement
The essay benefits from specific examples, such as the reference to research on the addiction of children aged 5 to 8.
Task Achievement
You've identified significant impacts of smartphone usage on children, which is directly related to the question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.