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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the average number of hours students in five different universities studied.

The bar chart shows the average number of hours students in five different universities studied.
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The graph compares five different universities in terms of the average number of hours
students
Use synonyms
 study on weekdays and
weekends
Use synonyms
.  
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
university
Use synonyms
 C
students
Use synonyms
 spent the most time studying during the week, on
weekends
Use synonyms
,
university
Use synonyms
 A
students
Use synonyms
 spent the majority of their time studying.     As the graph shows, on weekdays, the
students
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 C
we're
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 studying the most at 10.6,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figure was the lowest in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 D at 9.6. The
students
Use synonyms
 of universities B and E
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 time at 10.1 and 10, respectively, but the
university
Use synonyms
's A index was 9.8.  
By contrast
Linking Words
, on
weekends
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 A has most of the
students
Use synonyms
 studying at 9:00,
while
Linking Words
 the fewest hours are spent studying at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 D at 9.6. The figures for universities B and C were 8.6 and 7.8, respectively. The average number of hours that
university
Use synonyms
 E
students
Use synonyms
 spend on
weekends
Use synonyms
 was 6.2.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, weekends, university with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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