IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessar

More and more people believe that getting high wages is considered more advantageous than being satisfied with their jobs. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I believe that gaining higher wages is much more important for two reasons. First of all, I believe that having a
job
Use synonyms
 with a high
salary
Use synonyms
 makes people more satisfied, no matter what kind of
job
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 they do. In fact, money can bring pleasure and happiness.
Although
Linking Words
 you work 8 hours a day at a
job
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 you do not like, after work, you can spend the whole day on other things you enjoy. A study published by New York University in 2013 concluded that 90% of people who receive high salaries are happy in their lives, regardless of what jobs they do.
Therefore
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, getting a high
salary
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 can provide you with
job
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 satisfaction and pleasure.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe that getting a high
salary
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 means having more money, which is essential for survival and a good
life
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. What I mean is money can bring you all means of comfort and convenience. It helps you to get all
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
show examples
 needs for your family.
Furthermore
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, even if someone feels satisfied with his
job
Use synonyms
 but cannot provide his family with their needs, what are the benefits of that
job
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? He will face a lot of
life
Use synonyms
 pressure and will not enjoy his
life
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.
For example
Linking Words
, when you get a high
salary
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, you can buy a convenient house and a good car. You can
also
Linking Words
 buy your family all of their needs. You can send your children to the best schools and universities.
As a result
Linking Words
, the way to survive and live a good
life
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 is to receive a high
salary
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. In conclusion, I believe that working a higher-
salary
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job
Use synonyms
 is more important than
job
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 satisfaction because a higher
salary
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 brings pleasure and happiness. It
also
Linking Words
 provides you with a good
life
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good. However, you could make it even stronger by adding a short outline of the points you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to connect your ideas better by using linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help the reader follow your logic more easily.
Task Achievement
You provided one example to explain your point, but adding more specific examples would strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion about the topic, which is essential for this type of essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main point well, showing that you understand how to wrap up your essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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