Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion?
A few decades ago, a new item called cigarettes was advertised as a kind of new entertainment product. Once it was in the market,
people
enjoyed them without awareness of their addiction. It was unknown how damageful it was back then
. Through the years, scientists have done some research about tobacco
and its harm to living things. Therefore
, many people
believe that this
drug should be banned from the shops. In my opinion, I disagree with that thought because it is almost impossible to be forbidden.
Firstly
, tobacco
is one of the oldest addictive drugs in the world. Even in ancient times, it is known that individuals smoked tobacco
by using a pipe or rolling it into a paper. However
, in those days, civilization was not developed to add lots
of chemicals to tobacco
. Because of that they smoked it purely. It can't be said that it was not dangerous for the human body, but it caused less harm than the modern ones. With the Industrial Revolution, lots
of factories were built to produce many products faster and cheaper. Additionally
, with the new technology, human beings learned how to add different nutrients and even chemicals to those items. In the beginning, a pack of cigarettes was considered not only innocent,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
helpful to cope with stress. Therefore
, there were many advertisements to make people
smoke more often. Unfortunately, they were not aware of the consequences of the nicotine addiction. People
became angrier and more stressed when they were lack of that addiction.
Secondly
, when individuals were addicted to nicotine, scientists did much research about the harm of that product. Then
, they showed that tobacco
was related to lots
of diseases such
as lung cancer and respiratory problems. Finally
, many people
think that it should be illegal to sell or to buy it because of its lethality. At the same time, the advertisements were banned and some information stickers were put on the packages about the damages.
On the other hand
, there are lots
of addictive drugs more harmful than cigarettes such
as weed, cocaine, heroin, and so on. Most of them are illegal in many countries because they cause lots
of physical, mental, and psychological problems. Furthermore
, those drugs cause more serious and lethal diseases compared to tobacco
.
In conclusion, I believe that it is hardly possible to forbid smoking because it is too popular these days. In addition
, I don't think that its prohibition will be not
a solution to make human beings quit smoking. In my opinion, there should be an educational class about how smokers can be successful in quitting.Rephrase
apply
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task achievement
While the essay is a complete response to the prompt, it could be more comprehensive. Adding more detailed arguments and examples would strengthen the response. For example, the essay could discuss specific policies or methods for reducing smoking rates if outright banning is deemed impractical.
task achievement
The main points are generally clear but could be better supported. Ensure that each point is thoroughly explained with specific examples or evidence. Some points need a bit more elaboration.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is mostly well-organized, but there are areas where the flow could be smoother. For example, transitions between paragraphs could be more seamless.
coherence cohesion
It is recommended to use connectors and transitional phrases to help the essay flow better. For example, phrases like 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'on the other hand' can effectively link ideas between paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets the stage well by providing context and a clear opinion on the subject matter.
introduction conclusion present
The essay ends with a conclusion that summarizes the main arguments and reaffirms the writer's opinion.
complete response
The essay covers multiple perspectives, including historical context and modern issues related to smoking, which enrich the discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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