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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
People
 have more
money
 and less free
time
 is far better the earning less
money
 and having more
time
 to spend in life. There are many things we must know about the views of both sides and I will discuss
this
 in the upcoming paragraph. On the one hand, the first set of
people
 have to
work
 hard for the family so that they can have
money
 to run the family very well. They do not have much
time
 to spend their
time
 with family and friends, so it will be tough
in
Verb problem
to build
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with family members and it leads to problems in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
. There are many advantages like saving
money
 for foreign trips, buying a house, and cars for family and some
people
 manage their
time
 and
money
 equally to spend
time
 with family and friends.
For example
, my uncle was a businessman he saved a lot of
money
 for foreign trips and had the same amount of
time
 with his family as well.
On the other hand
, the second set of
people
also
 have to
work
 hard for their family life but they have so much
time
 to spend with their family and colleagues. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
work
 9-5 jobs, and it is the place where they have to
work
 for
limited
Add an article
a limited
show examples
time
, so they have nothing to do apart from other
time
. They have so much to do apart from
work
 as
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
time
 with family, some household
work
, and many other works.
For instance
, A middle-class man has a single job to do in a day after finishing his working hours they can spend their remaining
time
 with loved ones.
To sum up
,
people
 have many pros and cons when it comes to
money
 and
time
, in my opinion,
people
 should make
money
 more and at the same
time
 they want to enjoy their life as they wish.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to outline your opinion and the structure of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve flow and cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Be sure to directly address the question in your conclusion by clearly stating your opinion and summarizing the main points discussed.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. While you provided examples, making them more detailed and relevant can strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You have discussed both views as the prompt requested, which shows good understanding of the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear distinction between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You provided examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
What to do next:
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