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Band 3.5

Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#sports #players #products #trend
Although
 it is popular that more
well-know
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
sports
players
 do advertisements for
sports
 products, other people think it can be harmful. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it can bring more benefits rather than drawbacks. Admittedly, there are some shortcomings
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 advertising
sports
 products by
sports
players
.
To begin
 with,
sports
players
 will focus more on earning money from
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 but ignore their main tasks---improving their skills and enhancing
level
Correct pronoun usage
their level
show examples
 in their
sports
 field. Because comparing a job between a
sports
 player and an advertising spokesperson, the previous
one
 is much harder than the second
one
.
Secondly
, the products which are advertised by celebrities usually cost
higher
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 than the plain
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. Because the expenses on
advertisement
 are passed on to the consumers in the form of higher product prices. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the drawbacks above, I believe that the advantages still exceed
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
Initially
, a good celebrity who has a positive image can have a good influence on a
sports
 brand. So it can not only expand sales but
also
 build
brand’s
Correct article usage
the brand’s
show examples
 identity.
Furthermore
,
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 can promote economic growth by encouraging people to purchase goods. People can get to know more brands so that they can choose the proper
one
. Eventually, for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,these commercial activities generated by advertising increase government tax.
To sum up
,
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 contributed by
sports
players
 have both benefits and disadvantages.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task response
Develop each point with more detail or specific examples to provide stronger support.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to avoid small grammatical mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear central idea and is linked logically to the next.
task response
Clear expression of opinion, stating that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
There are clear, distinct paragraphs with relevant information in each.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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