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Writing Samples
Band 4

Learning to manage money is one of the key a aspects of adult life. How in your view can individuals best learn to manage their money

#money #aspects #adult #life #individuals
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In a
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
 society, studying how to manage
money
 is one of the key important. So I will suggest a lot of ways
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
show examples
 you manage
money
. Perhaps most people know the basics of how to use
money
, but they may not know how to manage
money
 properly. In some families, they have chosen to let their children use
money
 from an early age so that they know how to spend
money
 and how to save
money
.
For example
, parents give them pocket
money
 so they can buy snacks or things they find necessary, and when they want to buy something expensive, they will have to learn how to save
money
 themselves.
In addition
 to knowing how to save
money
, you
also
 need to know what you should spend
money
 on
that is
 necessary and what is unnecessary.
For example
, nowadays, many young people, following social trends, constantly change to new and modern phones
while
 their phones are still new and in good condition. It is an unnecessary waste of
money
 and needs to change. In short, the best way to manage
money
 is to know how to spend and save
money
, so only buy what is necessary and essential.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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structure
Consider organizing your essay more effectively by having a clear introduction outlining your main argument, distinct body paragraphs each focusing on a specific point, and a concise conclusion that summarizes your stance.
cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This makes your argument more persuasive and your writing more engaging.
detail
To strengthen your argument, delve deeper into the concept of financial planning and budgeting. Expand on how these strategies specifically aid in money management.
content relevance
Your essay addresses the importance of learning to manage money, providing practical examples of how this can be achieved.
examples
You've effectively used examples, such as the practice of giving children pocket money, to illustrate your points, making your argument relatable and understandable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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