IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

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A number of
people
Use synonyms
perveived
Correct your spelling
perceived
perceive
 that modern
technology
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 has a big impact on the connection between
people
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. It is the opinion of
this
Linking Words
 writer that these technological
devices
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such
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 as
instagram
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Instagram
show examples
 or
messenger
Capitalize word
Messenger
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 make a big contribution to
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
people
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 together
while
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 intriguing content and affordability are 2 elements that support the opposite view. It is essential to understand that the accelerating development of
technology
Use synonyms
 has paved the way for convenient interaction
due to
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 the salient features of many social apps. To exemplify, think about the
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
of making
Replace the preposition
to make
show examples
 a video call or
sending
Wrong verb form
send
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 messages from
this
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 place to other remote places in the
world
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 which are provided by these media platforms.
As a result
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,
this
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 will assist
people
Use synonyms
 who live away from their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
show examples
 in touch with family. From that, these apps are capable of enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
camaraderie and fostering a sense of closeness despite physical distances.
However
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that modern
technology
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 is a core factor in widening the gap between
people
Use synonyms
. They believe that these technological
devices
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 provide not only some useful features and attractive content but
also
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 an adequate service that can satisfy
high
Add an article
the high
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 demand of
people
Use synonyms
, making
people
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 immerse
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 into these
devices
Use synonyms
 for a long time. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of
this
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,
people
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 have a propensity
for enjoying
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to enjoy
show examples
 their own
world
Use synonyms
 by overusing
the
Change the word
their
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 leading to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of face-to-face conversations and feelings of isolation. They are right to a certain extent, but
in
Change preposition
from
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 another perspective, using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 can help
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get access to the news throughout the
world
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will lead to building a deep connection with the
world
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.
Moreover
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, smartphones can
also
Linking Words
 assist
people
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 to stay in touch with
people
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 who live far away from them. Despite these features,
people
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 should balance their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 both
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the media and
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 daily life by stringently limiting the time using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 to have more effective
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
. In my opinion, smartphones actually drive
people
Use synonyms
 apart
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual affordability.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that not everyone has equal access to modern
technology
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 because of its extravagant price.
As a consequence
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, those without
technology
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 are at a disadvantage in terms of acquiring knowledge and are capable of falling behind in
the modernisational
Correct word choice
modern
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 society.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will lead to a big difference in the
mind set
Correct your spelling
mindset
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 between
people
Use synonyms
exposuring
Correct your spelling
exposure
exposing
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
technology
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 and those who
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 which is an obstacle
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 connecting with each other. Taking all points into account, it is evident that its attractive content and affordability
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 2 elements that make modern
technology
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 can drive
people
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 apart.
Hence
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, it should have been shown that these modern
devices
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 are able to widen the gap between
people
Use synonyms
.

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opinion consistency
Ensure clarity and consistency in expressing your opinion throughout the essay. Introducing your personal viewpoint towards the end may confuse readers; it's beneficial to clearly state it in the introduction for cohesiveness.
example elaboration
Expand on your examples by detailing how technology impacts relationships specifically. Mentioning apps like Instagram or Messenger is good, but further elaboration on their role would enhance your argument.
grammatical accuracy
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structures to improve readability and the overall flow of the essay. While minor inaccuracies are present, refining these aspects will elevate your writing.
transition
Work on the transition between ideas and paragraphs for smoother cohesion. Using linking words effectively can guide the reader through your arguments more fluidly.
topic engagement
Your essay engages well with the topic, discussing both viewpoints and providing a conclusion that reflects your own viewpoint.
example usage
You successfully incorporated relevant examples and scenarios to back up your points, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
structure
The structure of your essay, with clear paragraphs for introduction, each viewpoint, and conclusion, aids in the overall coherence and cohesion of your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
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