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Writing Samples
Band 6

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.
#line #information #iranian #greek #turkish #students #sheffield #university
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the lines in the graph show
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
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 about how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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Iranian
Use synonyms
,
Greek
Use synonyms
 and
Turkish
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 who at Sheffield University from 2005 and 2009.
Iranian
Use synonyms
 and
Turkish
Use synonyms
,
Students
Use synonyms
 in 2005 were so close in numbers, But
Greek
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
where
Correct your spelling
were much
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mutch
Correct your spelling
much
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 higher
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
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 both
of
Change preposition
apply
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Iranian
Use synonyms
 and
Turkish
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
, as
the
Remove the article
apply
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yours go we can see that
Iranian
Use synonyms
 and
Turkish
Use synonyms
, numbers start going up, From 2005
untall
Correct your spelling
until
 2006 start going up,
Iranian
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 were 40 international
students
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 now in 2006
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 are above 60
students
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,
also
Linking Words
Turkish
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 were 20 in 2005, now they are 40, And
Greek
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number
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 of
students
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 start going dawn in 2005 they were 180, after 2006 the
number
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 is decreasing
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
, in 2007 the
number
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 of
students
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 was steady, but in 2008
it's start
Change the verb form
it starts
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 going dawn
agein
Correct your spelling
again
agein'
. The
number
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 of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
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start
Wrong verb form
started
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 increasing for both
Iranian
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 and
Turkish
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
, In 2007 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 was above 60 for Iranuan,
Correct word choice
and Trukish
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Trukish
Correct your spelling
Turkish
students
Use synonyms
 were above 80. and
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
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start
Wrong verb form
started
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 to go up way more in 2008,
Iranian
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 was almost 90, and
Turkish
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 were above
the
Correct article usage
apply
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100, and in 2009 both were way higher
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
Greek
Use synonyms
,
Iranian
Use synonyms
 160, and
Turkish
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 140.
Submitted by maher123123ed on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words iranian, greek, turkish, students, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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