IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that to make healthy foods like fruits and vegetables more affordable, they should be subsidised by the government. Others believe that it is better to tax unhealthy foods. Discuss both views and give your option.

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There is no denying the fact that healthy
food
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 can be made easily by
people
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the authorities should support families to continue making it, there is
also
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 an argument that a high tax should be imposed on unhealthy
food
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, nowadays, healthy
food
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 plays a pivotal role in our life
as a result
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 of some reasons,
Such
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 as the cost of it is not high, so many
people
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 can afford it.
In other words
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, most
people
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 experience a sedentary lifestyle,
thus
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 if they eat junk
food
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, they will expose themselves to the risk of diseases like obesity, so doctors recommend folks eating healthy
food
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 like fruits.
In addition
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, the government should make campaigns and seminars to increase
people
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’s awareness about the importance of following a healthy diet.
For example
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, the authorities should set up specific markets for healthy
food
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 with cheap prices to encourage all humans to buy it.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 should be careful about unhealthy
food
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, and they should know its harmful effects in the long term. It is
also
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 possible to say that some solutions should be suggested to prohibit youth from eating it.
For instance
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, the authorities should put a high tax on it, so its price will increase,
hence
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 most individuals can not afford it.
Moreover
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, when individuals know the negative impacts of junk
food
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, surely, they give up buying it. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I believe that the two proposals should be applied, the tax should be increased on fast
food
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, and the authority should subsidise all individuals to buy healthy
food
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.

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Task Achievement
Your essay offers a clear, balanced discussion of both viewpoints, including your own. Enhancing your argument with more specific examples could enrich your essay further.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Complex sentences can help demonstrate linguistic capability.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Using transitional phrases helps in linking ideas more seamlessly across paragraphs.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion and your conclusion neatly summarizes the essay, showcasing good structure.
Task Achievement
You presented both sides of the argument before clearly stating your own opinion, showing a good balance in your response.
Vocabulary
You have used a variety of vocabulary which is appropriate for the topic and context, contributing to a more persuasive argument.
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