IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Are all fathers entitled to have work-off when they have new born.

#fathers #work-off
Nowadays, it is often argued that parents
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to have
time-off
Correct your spelling
time off
show examples
 when the mother
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 birth. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
 statement for many reasons that will be discussed in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, the new infant is a big responsibility for both the
father
 and the mother. They have to look after the child, as a new system has to be put
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the house. The
father
 is responsible in law that he
Change the verb form
has
show examples
have
Add the particle
have to
show examples
 register his child in a healthcare system,
police
Correct word choice
and police
show examples
registeration
Correct your spelling
registration
 and have to sign for a birth
certifcate
Correct your spelling
certificate
 for his child.
For example
,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 government
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Kuwait, the
father
 has to register his toddler in all necessary sectors, as mentioned above, everything
that is
 related to the kid will be put in the
father
Change noun form
father's
show examples
responsibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibility
.
Thus
,
Submitted by noranaldhafiri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear conclusion that wraps up your argument. This helps in reinforcing your position and giving the reader a sense of closure.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your coherence, consider adding more linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly and make transitions between sentences and paragraphs more natural.
Task Achievement
You've effectively introduced your topic and clearly stated your position, which is a good practice for task achievement.
Task Achievement
You support your points with specific examples, which strengthens your argument. Keep using real-world examples to make your points more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
You maintained a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: