IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference cause? How might these problems be reduced?

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It is often argued that the rise in living standard of a nation only benefit urban
areas
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 rather than rural.
This
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 development often lead to the
problem
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 of
overpopulation
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 of urban
areas
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 and homelessness, which will be discussed in the subsequent paragraph.
Further
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, some solutions to eradicate
this
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problem
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 will be presented in the forthcoming paragraph.
To begin
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 with, as urban
areas
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 are developing at a faster pace in terms of education, infrastructure, medical facilities and job opportunities when compared to rural
area
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, to attain those facilities,
people
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 from rural
area
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 migrate to urban
area
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 leading to the
problem
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 of
overpopulation
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.
For example
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: population of Melbourne CBD is 3.5 times higher than the regional
area
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, as public migrate here to work, study and enjoy better shopping experience.
In addition
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 to that, the
problem
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 of
overpopulation
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also
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 leads to the
problem
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 of homelessness as a city has a limited capacity to accomodate
people
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, and
migration
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 at a rapid pace make it difficult to hold up. There are two effective solutions to deal with
this
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problem
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. One way to tackle
this
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, government can try to take steps to develop rural
area
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 at the same pace by providing them equally good health and education system,
this
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 would decrease the number of
migration
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, solving up the
problem
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 of
overpopulation
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 in urban
area
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.
Moreover
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, government can
also
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 grant some benefits (
such
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 as tax rebates, incentives) to the
people
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 working and studying in rural
area
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. To exemplify: in China,
people
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 staying in rural
area
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 gets 25 - 30% consession on travelling card and grocery,
this
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 helps legal system of the country to control
migration
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. In conclusion, rising standard of a country only benefitting urban
areas
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, can be problematic to some extend as it can lead to the
problem
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 of extensive
migration
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 and shortage of houses but it can be tackled by taking some corrective action like forming rebate system for
people
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 staying in rural
areas
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.

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Grammar
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and range of structures in your writing to improve clarity. For example, check subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.
Coherence
Continue to develop your use of cohesive devices (e.g., transition words, pronouns) to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Response
To strengthen your task achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt with detailed examples and explanations. You've done well but pushing for more depth and specificity in examples could elevate your score further.
Grammar and Style
Consider varying your sentence structures to include more complex forms. This will not only improve readability but also demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Structure
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your arguments in an organized manner.
Content
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering both analysis of the problems and possible solutions. This showcases a strong task achievement.
Use of Examples
Your use of examples, such as the comparison of Melbourne's CBD to regional areas, effectively supports your points, making your arguments more convincing.
Argumentation
The conclusions you draw are logical and well-supported by your arguments in the essay, showing good critical thinking skills.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • income gap
  • investment
  • development
  • poverty
  • unemployment rates
  • educational and healthcare disparities
  • migration
  • strain on resources
  • overpopulation
  • housing shortages
  • pollution
  • developmental imbalance
  • food security
  • agricultural productivity
  • sustainability
  • infrastructure
  • rural healthcare and education
  • sustainable agricultural practices
  • technology
  • training
  • markets
  • rural tourism
  • non-agricultural income
  • regional development plan
  • social cohesion
  • equitable growth
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