Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is it a negative or positive development? Give your explanation using some relevant examples from your experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's era,
parents
tend to put their
children
under a lot of
pressure
for
success
. Some people believe it is better for the
children
's future and others believe it will do more
harms
Fix the agreement mistake
harm
show examples
to the
children
. There are various reasons why
parents
are more and more
success driven
Add a hyphen
success-driven
show examples
. In my opinion, it is a negative development which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will elaborate
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
this
essay. It is true
children
are living in a more
competative
Correct your spelling
competitive
world
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to their
parents
. These days
children
have to compete with technologies that are far more advanced.
Therefore
, their
parents
are putting more and more
pressure
on
children
to perform better and to be successful. Another reason is that
parents
solely
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
on their
children
's
success
for their retirement.
For example
, China
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
single child
Add a hyphen
single-child
show examples
policy,
therefore
their
parents
can only depend on one child's future.
Thus
, putting
pressure
on the child is
Correct article usage
a gurantee
show examples
gurantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
guaranteed
of
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
future retirement life. For those reasons above,
parents
heavily
depends
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
on their
children
's
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
. On the one hand, it raised awareness of
children
's education quality and
overall
.
On the other hand
, it is drastically damaging their mental health.
Students
Change the noun form
Student
show examples
suicide rates
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
gone up, more and more
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
for school counselling. It is putting the
children
on
pedestal
Add an article
a pedestal
show examples
, not
care
Wrong verb form
caring
show examples
for what the
children
want
but
Correct word choice
and
show examples
only
value
Wrong verb form
valuing
show examples
success
by
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
standards. Because of that,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think it is a negative development for
children
. All in all, there are reasons why
parents
put so much
pressure
on their
children
to succeed. But
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
drawbacks weigh more than the benefits.
Submitted by shirley772023 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance and develops the argument logically. To enhance your task achievement score, incorporating more varied and detailed examples from real-life experiences or broader societal observations that directly support your argument could strengthen your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows a good level of coherence and cohesion, with a logical flow of ideas and appropriate paragraphing. To further improve, consider varying your sentence structure and linking phrases to create more complexity and fluency in your writing.
General
Ensure to proofread your essay to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors. These adjustments can refine your writing and potentially increase your score.
Introduction
The introduction sets a clear tone for the essay, effectively outlining the topic and your stance on it.
Arguments
You have maintained a consistent argument throughout, which keeps the reader engaged and conveys your viewpoint effectively.
Conclusion
Your essay ends with a strong conclusion that succinctly summarises your argument, reinforcing your stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prosperous future
  • highly competitive
  • extracurricular activities
  • social comparison
  • compelled
  • societal judgement
  • instill discipline
  • work ethic
  • responsibility
  • anxiety
  • diminished self-esteem
  • loss of interest
  • alienated
  • strained relationships
  • rebel
  • burnout
  • hinder
  • well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: