Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is it a negative or positive development? Give your explanation using some relevant examples from your experience.
In today's era,
parents
tend to put their children
under a lot of pressure
for success
. Some people believe it is better for the children
's future and others believe it will do more harms
to the Fix the agreement mistake
harm
children
. There are various reasons why parents
are more and more success driven
. In my opinion, it is a negative development which Add a hyphen
success-driven
i
will elaborate Change the capitalization
I
in
Change preposition
on in
this
essay.
It is true children
are living in a more competative
world Correct your spelling
competitive
compare
to their Wrong verb form
compared
parents
. These days children
have to compete with technologies that are far more advanced. Therefore
, their parents
are putting more and more pressure
on children
to perform better and to be successful. Another reason is that parents
solely depends
on their Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
children
's success
for their retirement. For example
, China have
Change the verb form
has
Correct article usage
a single
single child
policy, Add a hyphen
single-child
therefore
their parents
can only depend on one child's future. Thus
, putting pressure
on the child is Correct article usage
a gurantee
gurantee
of Correct your spelling
guarantee
guaranteed
Correct article usage
the parents
parents
future retirement life. For those reasons above, Change noun form
parents'
parent's
parents
heavily depends
on their Change the verb form
depend
children
's sucess
.
On the one hand, it raised awareness of Correct your spelling
success
children
's education quality and overall
. On the other hand
, it is drastically damaging their mental health. Students
suicide rates Change the noun form
Student
has
gone up, more and more Change the verb form
have
needs
for school counselling. It is putting the Fix the agreement mistake
need
children
on pedestal
, not Add an article
a pedestal
care
for what the Wrong verb form
caring
children
want but
only Correct word choice
and
value
Wrong verb form
valuing
success
by society
standards. Because of that, Change noun form
society's
i
think it is a negative development for Change the capitalization
I
children
.
All in all, there are reasons why parents
put so much pressure
on their children
to succeed. But it
drawbacks weigh more than the benefits.Change the pronoun
its
Submitted by shirley772023 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance and develops the argument logically. To enhance your task achievement score, incorporating more varied and detailed examples from real-life experiences or broader societal observations that directly support your argument could strengthen your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows a good level of coherence and cohesion, with a logical flow of ideas and appropriate paragraphing. To further improve, consider varying your sentence structure and linking phrases to create more complexity and fluency in your writing.
General
Ensure to proofread your essay to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors. These adjustments can refine your writing and potentially increase your score.
Introduction
The introduction sets a clear tone for the essay, effectively outlining the topic and your stance on it.
Arguments
You have maintained a consistent argument throughout, which keeps the reader engaged and conveys your viewpoint effectively.
Conclusion
Your essay ends with a strong conclusion that succinctly summarises your argument, reinforcing your stance on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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