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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #history #school #subjects #today’s #world #science #technology
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One
 school of thought holds that
History
 plays a prominent role in the school curriculum,
while
 others believe that natural science subjects and Technology are more likely crucial than the other.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on perspective before concluding that I am in favour of the former notion. On the
one
 hand, Science and Technology subjects could be advantageous to a certain extent.
Firstly
, these majors could allow adolescents to land
a well-earned jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a well-earned job
well-earned jobs
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. Specifically,
due to
 the development of technology, a plethora of large corporations have the tendency to find employees
understand
Correct pronoun usage
who understand
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 clearly smart techniques, which could help them save the lead in their time for training, and reduce a financial burden.
Secondly
, only these fields could foster the development of the world.
This
 is because creating new medicines to save humanity's lives is more paramount than any historical event.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons
Change preposition
apply
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as to
Change preposition
apply
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why I am convinced that
History
 should be taught
history
 to children.
One
 key rationale in favour of
this
 view is that events in the past could bring a myriad of benefits. Specifically, learning through the past could help people, especially teenagers, predict common traps, which will assist humanity in overcoming future challenges. Another justification is that these subjects
also
 help students enrich their life experiences. Take,
for example
, the COVID-19 pandemic, thanks to that event, humans would repair a plethora of solutions to tackle a similar
one
 in the future, it
also
 fully equipped youngsters with basic knowledge to save their lives. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that science majors could offer many benefits for people, I would contend that
History
 should need more attention.
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task achievement
The arguments presented are clear and relevant, but ensure that each point is fully developed and directly addresses the prompt. Some ideas can benefit from further elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Consider using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Although you have addressed both sides of the argument, make sure each paragraph is cohesive. This might involve refining your use of cohesive devices to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly outlining the stance and summarizing the arguments effectively.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are utilized to support the main points, especially the contemporary reference to COVID-19, enhancing the essay's relevance and impact.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Historical perspective
  • Analytical skills
  • Contextual understanding
  • Technological advancements
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • Innovation
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Job market
  • Climate crisis
  • Cultural identity
  • Critical thinking
  • Humanities
  • Contemporary issues
  • Integration
  • Tech-savvy
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