In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

There is

ongoing

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an ongoing

the ongoing

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discourse on whether, during the

university

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years, going to other countries is best or not.

While

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some people might argue that living in

one

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hometown

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while

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studying has advantages;

however

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, I firmly believe that living away from home during

university

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has more advantages than staying in

one

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hometown

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. First and foremost, attending

university

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in another

city

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opens doors for

students

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by broadening their

perspectives

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. Often, individuals do not have many chances to expose themselves to unfamiliar circumstances.

However

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, going to a

university

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in another

city

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grants

students

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access to expand their network and explore career opportunities.

For instance

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, a friend of mine, a business consultant, went to study abroad in New York

City

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, the United States, from Tokyo, Japan. During his interactions with people from diverse backgrounds, he eventually realized that he could see things from others'

perspectives

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and gained a deeper understanding and empathy.

Thus

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, studying in another

city

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facilitates the journey of understanding by offering opportunities to meet other people.

On the other hand

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, attending

university

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one

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hometown

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affords

students

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opportunities to save money.

While

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many

students

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face financial issues, those living in their

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hometown

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hometowns

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do not need to seek new accommodation, which can be quite costly.

According to

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recent research by McKinsey & Company,

students

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who go to a

university

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near their

hometown

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save more money than those who live away from home during their studies. In

this

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regard, staying in

one

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hometown

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during

university

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years paves the way for

students

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to have financial benefits. In my view, broadening

perspectives

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rather than merely saving money should be the main priority in

this

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global era. Enhancing

one

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perspectives

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can lead to not only uncovering new viewpoints but

also

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personal satisfaction, significantly enhancing an individual's value. In conclusion,

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while

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apply

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living at home with their family

while

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they study allows

students

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to reduce expenditure.

However

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, I believe that uncovering new

perspectives

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should be prioritized.

imagelim329

May 1, 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

To further improve your score, aim to diversify your sentence structures by incorporating a wider range of complex sentences to enhance readability and offer more detailed support for your ideas.

Task Achievement

While your examples are relevant, adding more specific details or personal experiences could offer a deeper insight into your claims and strengthen your argument.

Task Achievement

Your introduction clearly sets up the discussion, effectively engaging the reader from the start.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay maintains a good logical flow from paragraph to paragraph, which helps in keeping the reader engaged throughout.

Task Achievement

You've effectively used a conclusion to summarize your arguments and reinforce your standpoint, which is a great strength in your essay.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

318 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

independence
self-reliance
finance management
exposure
broaden horizons
open-minded
adaptability
conducive environment
isolation
homesickness
financial burden
household duties
academic responsibilities
personal growth

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