Many jobs used to be done at home by hand, but now a days an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the 4.0 era, technologies have become more common in several
jobs
by using modern
machines
,
while
using people's abilities for doing
jobs
was applied a lot in the previous decades.
This
essay will explain both the benefits and drawbacks which come with
this
situation. On the one hand,
machines
can do the job quickly and more accurately than humans do, with the result of higher quality products.
Also
replacing humans with
machines
, not only helps people to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy or risky
jobs
but
also
reduces health problems and the risk of injury for
workers
. Having
machines
, many necessary facilities for humans' individual purposes can be steadily manufactured.
For example
,
although
sugar is essential in the daily routine, it takes a long time and consumes a lot of energy for
workers
.
However
,
machines
will help them to do all their work the whole day without consuming much power and energy.
Hence
,
machines
have many advantages in both agriculture and industry.
Although
there are some drawbacks when using
machines
, the main reason that leads to the minus point of using automation is the high cost. It cannot be ensured that those
machines
will work normally every day.There will be some errors or they may be broken down so that will lead to warranty and repair costs. The more
automations
Correct your spelling
automation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
used the more
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
unemployed. To prove
this
, there have been recent statistics on unemployed
workers
increasingly using high-tech machinery and equipment in their
jobs
.
Therefore
, it is
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
to
seen
Change the form of the verb
see
show examples
that there are some unexpectations and risks in the quality of products and personal reputation as well. In conclusion,
machinaries
Correct your spelling
machineries
bring many benefits in every aspect of
evey
Correct your spelling
every
job.
However
, it will make
workers
get no
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Specific Examples
It would enrich your essay to include more specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly.
Transitions
Consider revising the essay to ensure that your transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs are smooth and logical.
Spelling/Grammar
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical errors, as they can impact the clarity of your argument. Proofreading can help minimize these.
Conclusion
Your conclusion could more explicitly summarize the advantages and disadvantages discussed, providing a clearer final stance or reflection on the balance between them.
Balanced View
Your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of using machines in jobs, which meets the task requirement effectively.
Structure
You have a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for both views, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • manual labor
  • hazardous jobs
  • initial investment
  • production costs
  • job displacement
  • skills gap
  • technical skills
  • reliance
  • vulnerabilities
  • breakdowns
  • cyber attacks
  • craftsmanship
  • artisanal skills
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: