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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel is by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #city #travel #car #bicycles
There is a debate related to how to
travel
 in a city.
While
 proponents prefer using a
car
 for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, opponents consider that the most advantageous
way
 to
travel
 is by bicycle. In my opinion, it would be better if
people
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 likely to use bicycles because it can address some problems related to traffic and air pollution. On the one hand, the reason why defenders of the first opinion think the most suitable
way
 to
travel
 is using a
car
 is that its speed allows us to reach a destination in a few hours. To elaborate, they argue that one of the most important things is time, and thanks to
this
 type of transport,
people
 do not confront time-consuming.
Moreover
, another reason to consider is that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by
car
 is more comfortable than other means of transportation. To be more specific, after hard work driving a
car
 can generate a sense of convenience,
thus
 making them feel relaxed.
On the other hand
, other
people
 including me consider that cycling is the best
way
 to commute, on the ground that, it can be more beneficial for our health.
For instance
, encouraging
people
 to use bicycles can lessen the number of private cars in the cities, which can lead to a reduction in traffic congestion.
As a result
, some improvements related to enhancing air quality can be observed.
In addition
, cycling keeps individuals fit, making them healthier and alleviating the possibility of facing some diseases.
To conclude
, using a
car
 to
travel
 can be suitable in certain aspects,
however
, cycling is far more beneficial because it is an environmentally friendly
way
 to
travel
, thereby solving traffic jams.
Additionally
, it is important to mention the effect of cycling healthily. When
people
 use bicycles, they engage in physical activity simultaneously.
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your points. For example, you could mention real-life instances where cities have successfully reduced traffic and pollution by promoting cycling.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are equally developed in the essay. The first argument for driving a car could use further elaboration or examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence. For example, using transitional phrases such as 'However' or 'On the contrary' can make your essay flow better.
task achievement
You have clearly stated both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, which strengthens the Task Response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it well-structured and easy to follow.
task achievement
You have made some good points regarding the environmental benefits and health advantages of cycling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • maintenance
  • eco-friendly
  • infrastructure
  • physical health
  • suitable
  • weather conditions
  • traffic
  • repair costs
  • cycling infrastructure
  • fuel costs
  • carrying heavy loads
  • physical limitations
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