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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, a lot of offices employ open-space designs instead of separate rooms for work. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#offices #open-space #designs #rooms #work #development
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Presently, a majority of buildings,
such
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 as offices and schools, have open-area designs
instead
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 of individual rooms. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development that can lead to a lack of privacy, the easy
spread
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 of illness, and it is hard for staff to concentrate. One serious issue that can arise from open spaces is the potential loss of privacy. In these areas, especially in schools, teachers and students do not have private rooms to do their work and tasks.
For example
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, when students do not have a private room, they cannot easily complete their tasks in groups during their free time.
As a result
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, in offices and schools, people will lose their freedom to do anything because of the crowded places and lack of private
space
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. Another issue is that the easy
spread
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 of illness can be a drawback of having open
space
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.
In other words
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, places without any
space
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 or without walls or barriers
spread
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 diseases, and viruses move freely.
For instance
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, if someone catches a cold or gets sick, it can make it easier for illnesses to
spread
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 to others.
As a result
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, employees may need to take sick leave, which makes them unable to complete their work on time.
Finally
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, a lack of concentration and poor performance will occur, particularly among the staff. To clarify, when employees arrive to address job-related issues, they require a dedicated
space
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 to concentrate.
Therefore
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, the absence of a designated workspace hinders their ability to focus. In conclusion,
although
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 it becomes more developed in some situations, they cannot realize the resulting damages
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 opening the area, which makes them lose more.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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logical structure
You could improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and a well-developed argument that directly relates to your thesis. This would make your points more compelling.
relevant specific examples
Using more specific examples and elaborating on them can make your arguments more persuasive. Instead of just mentioning that privacy is lost, give detailed scenarios or studies to strengthen your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your argument could be clearer by addressing the counterpoints briefly and refuting them. This will show a well-rounded understanding of the topic and make your stance stronger.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points and effectively wraps up the essay.
complete response
You've provided a complete response to the essay question, addressing all parts of the prompt.
supported main points
You've used relevant arguments concerning privacy, the spread of illness, and concentration, which are pertinent to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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