Prison is the comman way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

Beberapa orang percaya
bahwa
para
profesional, seperti dokter, profesional teknis
dan
insinyur,
harus
diizinkan
bekerja
di
negara
lain setelah
menyelesaikan
pelatihan
mereka
, sementara
yang
lain berpendapat
bahwa
mereka
harus
diwajibkan
bekerja
di
negara
tempat
mereka
menerima
pendidikan
dan
pelatihan
. Esai
ini
akan mengeksplorasi kedua pandangan
ini
dan
berpendapat
bahwa
mereka
harus
diwajibkan
bekerja
di
negara
tempat
mereka
menyelesaikan
pelatihan
. Di satu sisi,
mereka
yang
mendukung kebebasan
para
profesional
untuk
bekerja
di
negara
mana pun percaya
bahwa
hal
ini
memungkinkan terjadinya pertukaran pengetahuan
dan
gagasan global
yang
lebih baik. Hal
ini
juga memberikan
para
profesional peluang karir
yang
lebih baik
dan
kemampuan
untuk
bekerja
di lingkungan
yang
mungkin lebih sesuai dengan minat
dan
kebutuhan pribadi
mereka
. Selain itu, dengan kemajuan teknologi,
banyak
profesional dapat
bekerja
dari jarak jauh,
yang
memungkinkan
mereka
bekerja
dari mana saja di dunia. Di sisi lain,
mereka
berpendapat
bahwa
para
profesional
harus
diwajibkan
bekerja
di
negara
tempat
mereka
menyelesaikan
pelatihan
mereka
percaya
bahwa
hal
ini
membantu mengatasi kekurangan
tenaga
profesional
yang
terampil di
negara
mereka
sendiri. Misalnya, di
banyak
negara
berkembang, kekurangan
tenaga
medis profesional,
dan
membiarkan
mereka
bekerja
di
negara
lain hanya akan menawarkan masalah. Selain itu,
banyak
negara
menghabiskan
banyak
uang
dan
sumber daya
untuk
pendidikan
dan
pelatihan
para
profesional
mereka
,
dan
wajar jika
mereka
memberikan kembali kepada
negara
yang
memberikan
pendidikan
dan
pelatihan
yang
diperlukan. Sebagai gambaran,
banyak
negara
, termasuk India, mempunyai persyaratan layanan wajib bagi
tenaga
medis profesionalnya. Setelah
menyelesaikan
pendidikan
dan
pelatihannya, dokter
diwajibkan
mengabdi di pedesaan
untuk
jangka waktu tertentu. Kesimpulannya, meskipun ada
yang
menyatakan
bahwa
para
profesional
harus
bebas
bekerja
di
negara
mana pun
yang
mereka
pilih, saya yakin
mereka
harus
diwajibkan
bekerja
di
negara
tempat
mereka
menyelesaikan
pelatihan
. Hal
ini
akan membantu mengatasi kekurangan
tenaga
profesional
yang
tersebar di
banyak
negara
, sekaligus memastikan
bahwa
negara
yang
berinvestasi dalam
pendidikan
dan
pelatihan
menerima laba atas investasinya.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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structure
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. This structure helps in effectively guiding the reader through your discussion.
content
Well done on providing clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay. This approach ensures that your arguments are understandable and persuasive.
examples
You've used relevant examples to support your main points, which greatly strengthens your argument. Keep ensuring that your examples are directly related to the topic for maximum impact.
vocabulary sentence structure
Consider including more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your writing and more effectively engage your reader. This can also help to clarify and emphasize your points.
transition use
While you’ve done well in organizing your essay, using transitional phrases more effectively to link ideas and paragraphs could further enhance the coherence and flow of your writing.
structure
Structured approach to the essay presentation with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
content examples
The use of comprehensive ideas and relevant examples to support arguments.
balanced argument
Discussion of both sides of the argument showing a balanced approach to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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