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Band 5

Prison is the comman way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

#prison #comman #countries #crime #people #education
Beberapa orang percaya
bahwa
para
 profesional, seperti dokter, profesional teknis
dan
 insinyur,
harus
 diizinkan
bekerja
 di
negara
 lain setelah
menyelesaikan
pelatihan
mereka
, sementara
yang
 lain berpendapat
bahwa
mereka
harus
diwajibkan
bekerja
 di
negara
tempat
mereka
 menerima
pendidikan
dan
pelatihan
. Esai
ini
 akan mengeksplorasi kedua pandangan
ini
dan
 berpendapat
bahwa
mereka
harus
diwajibkan
bekerja
 di
negara
tempat
mereka
menyelesaikan
pelatihan
. Di satu sisi,
mereka
yang
 mendukung kebebasan
para
 profesional
untuk
bekerja
 di
negara
 mana pun percaya
bahwa
 hal
ini
 memungkinkan terjadinya pertukaran pengetahuan
dan
 gagasan global
yang
 lebih baik. Hal
ini
 juga memberikan
para
 profesional peluang karir
yang
 lebih baik
dan
 kemampuan
untuk
bekerja
 di lingkungan
yang
 mungkin lebih sesuai dengan minat
dan
 kebutuhan pribadi
mereka
. Selain itu, dengan kemajuan teknologi,
banyak
 profesional dapat
bekerja
 dari jarak jauh,
yang
 memungkinkan
mereka
bekerja
 dari mana saja di dunia. Di sisi lain,
mereka
 berpendapat
bahwa
para
 profesional
harus
diwajibkan
bekerja
 di
negara
tempat
mereka
menyelesaikan
pelatihan
mereka
 percaya
bahwa
 hal
ini
 membantu mengatasi kekurangan
tenaga
 profesional
yang
 terampil di
negara
mereka
 sendiri. Misalnya, di
banyak
negara
 berkembang, kekurangan
tenaga
 medis profesional,
dan
 membiarkan
mereka
bekerja
 di
negara
 lain hanya akan menawarkan masalah. Selain itu,
banyak
negara
 menghabiskan
banyak
 uang
dan
 sumber daya
untuk
pendidikan
dan
pelatihan
para
 profesional
mereka
,
dan
 wajar jika
mereka
 memberikan kembali kepada
negara
yang
 memberikan
pendidikan
dan
pelatihan
yang
 diperlukan. Sebagai gambaran,
banyak
negara
, termasuk India, mempunyai persyaratan layanan wajib bagi
tenaga
 medis profesionalnya. Setelah
menyelesaikan
pendidikan
dan
 pelatihannya, dokter
diwajibkan
 mengabdi di pedesaan
untuk
 jangka waktu tertentu. Kesimpulannya, meskipun ada
yang
 menyatakan
bahwa
para
 profesional
harus
 bebas
bekerja
 di
negara
 mana pun
yang
mereka
 pilih, saya yakin
mereka
harus
diwajibkan
bekerja
 di
negara
tempat
mereka
menyelesaikan
pelatihan
. Hal
ini
 akan membantu mengatasi kekurangan
tenaga
 profesional
yang
 tersebar di
banyak
negara
, sekaligus memastikan
bahwa
negara
yang
 berinvestasi dalam
pendidikan
dan
pelatihan
 menerima laba atas investasinya.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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structure
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. This structure helps in effectively guiding the reader through your discussion.
content
Well done on providing clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay. This approach ensures that your arguments are understandable and persuasive.
examples
You've used relevant examples to support your main points, which greatly strengthens your argument. Keep ensuring that your examples are directly related to the topic for maximum impact.
vocabulary sentence structure
Consider including more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your writing and more effectively engage your reader. This can also help to clarify and emphasize your points.
transition use
While you’ve done well in organizing your essay, using transitional phrases more effectively to link ideas and paragraphs could further enhance the coherence and flow of your writing.
structure
Structured approach to the essay presentation with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
content examples
The use of comprehensive ideas and relevant examples to support arguments.
balanced argument
Discussion of both sides of the argument showing a balanced approach to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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