IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Conducting sports events such as Olympics or World cup encourage people to live healthy. While some people indicate that there are various other methods to remain healthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sports #events #olympics #world #cup #people #methods
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In
this
Linking Words
 modern
world
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, popular
sports
Use synonyms
events
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 could influence
people
Use synonyms
become
Add the particle
to become
show examples
 more aware
to remain
Change preposition
of remaining
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 healthy. Even though,
another ways
Replace the adjective
another way
other ways
show examples
also
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 may give benefits to make
people
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 healthier. Both of these methods will be outlined before reaching my opinion.
To begin
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 with, many
events
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such
Linking Words
 as
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 and
World
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 Cup
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 known worldwide. It is impossible that
people
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didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
 know about it. Hosting the
World
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 Class competition in our own country would be benefit.
Thus
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,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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events
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 may influence society
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 the
world
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.
For instance
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, the
participations
Fix the agreement mistake
participation
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 of young
people
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 in many football stadiums could increase dramatically
due to
Linking Words
 the
participate
Replace the word
participation
show examples
 of their idols in
Use synonyms
Add an article
the world
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world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
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.
However
Linking Words
,
sports
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events
Use synonyms
only
Add a missing verb
are only
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 established once time in many years. For that
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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,
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 health could be improved even without waiting for these
events
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.
Moreover
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, personal
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
is depend
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 own decisions. Some
people
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 believe that
another ways
Replace the adjective
another way
other ways
show examples
 can encourage
people
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 to be healthier. First of all,
healthy
Correct article usage
the healthy
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 diet movement
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been
trend
Add an article
a trend
show examples
 worldwide, especially for women to reduce obesity
also
Linking Words
 many diseases. Daily workouts can
also
Linking Words
 become
Correct article usage
a preferences
show examples
preferences
Fix the agreement mistake
preference
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, especially for men as it could make
men
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men's
show examples
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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strongest
Correct article usage
the strongest
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 muscles.
Besides
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,
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
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 the time to sleep is crucial for
make
Change the verb form
making
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body
Correct article usage
the body
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 still in
well
Change the adverb
good
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 condition. Eventually, many ways
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 able to keep society still in good conditions
To conclude
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,
people
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 can collaborate both of these methods to remain healthy. I would recommend that some
sports
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 activities should become habitual
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that
people
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 don't need to
waiting
Change the verb
wait
show examples
 for some
sports
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 event to keep their body healthier
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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sentence structure
Consider using a variety of sentence structures to enhance fluency and coherence. Repetitive structures can make the text feel monotonous.
grammar agreement tenses
Be mindful of agreement and tenses throughout your essay for clearer expression. For example, 'sports events could influence people become more aware' could be revised to 'sports events could influence people to become more aware,' improving clarity.
argument development
Try to develop your examples further to solidify your argument. Specific, detailed examples can greatly strengthen your case and make your essay more convincing.
perspective clarity
Maintain a consistent and clear perspective throughout your essay. While discussing both views, ensure that your own opinion is distinct and well-supported by the end of the essay.
balanced view
You presented a balanced view on the impact of sporting events versus other health practices, which is commendable for addressing the task.
effective conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarized the main points and stated your opinion, guiding the reader to a clear understanding of your stance.
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