Conducting sports events such as Olympics or World cup encourage people to live healthy. While some people indicate that there are various other methods to remain healthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
modern world
, popular sports
events
could influence people
become
more aware Add the particle
to become
to remain
healthy. Even though, Change preposition
of remaining
another ways
Replace the adjective
another way
other ways
also
may give benefits to make people
healthier. Both of these methods will be outlined before reaching my opinion.
To begin
with, many events
such
as Olympics
and Correct article usage
the Olympics
World
Cup is
known worldwide. It is impossible that Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
didn't
know about it. Hosting the Wrong verb form
don't
World
Class competition in our own country would be benefit.Thus
, this
Correct determiner usage
these
events
may influence society arround
the Correct your spelling
around
world
. For instance
, the participations
of young Fix the agreement mistake
participation
people
in many football stadiums could increase dramatically due to
the participate
of their idols in Replace the word
participation
Add an article
the world
world cup
.
Correct your spelling
World Cup
However
, sports
events
only
established once time in many years. For that Add a missing verb
are only
reasons
, Fix the agreement mistake
reason
people
health could be improved even without waiting for these Change noun form
people's
events
. Moreover
, personal healthy
Replace the word
health
is depend
on Wrong verb form
depends
people
own decisions. Some Change noun form
people's
people
believe that another ways
can encourage Replace the adjective
another way
other ways
people
to be healthier. First of all, healthy
diet movement Correct article usage
the healthy
have
been Change the verb form
has
trend
worldwide, especially for women to reduce obesity Add an article
a trend
also
many diseases. Daily workouts can also
become Correct article usage
a preferences
preferences
, especially for men as it could make Fix the agreement mistake
preference
men
Change noun form
men's
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
strongest
muscles. Correct article usage
the strongest
Besides
, manage
the time to sleep is crucial for Wrong verb form
managing
make
Change the verb form
making
body
still in Correct article usage
the body
well
condition. Eventually, many ways Change the adverb
good
is
able to keep society still in good conditions
Change the verb form
are
To conclude
, people
can collaborate both of these methods to remain healthy. I would recommend that some sports
activities should become habitual,
so that Remove the comma
apply
people
don't need to waiting
for some Change the verb
wait
sports
event to keep their body healthierSubmitted by patricius.yohanes on
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sentence structure
Consider using a variety of sentence structures to enhance fluency and coherence. Repetitive structures can make the text feel monotonous.
grammar agreement tenses
Be mindful of agreement and tenses throughout your essay for clearer expression. For example, 'sports events could influence people become more aware' could be revised to 'sports events could influence people to become more aware,' improving clarity.
argument development
Try to develop your examples further to solidify your argument. Specific, detailed examples can greatly strengthen your case and make your essay more convincing.
perspective clarity
Maintain a consistent and clear perspective throughout your essay. While discussing both views, ensure that your own opinion is distinct and well-supported by the end of the essay.
balanced view
You presented a balanced view on the impact of sporting events versus other health practices, which is commendable for addressing the task.
effective conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarized the main points and stated your opinion, guiding the reader to a clear understanding of your stance.