For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #form #entertainment #development

Buying something for fun is quite common these days .

while

it is objected to by some

pears

Correct your spelling

peers

show examples

, others consider it positive. I consider it as a negative progress and intend to discuss my views below. Commencing with the most predominant reason why excessive shopping is detrimental

because

Add a missing verb

is because

show examples

it is a waste of money, as, people shop things online without any need for them and these are kept unused for

severel

Correct your spelling

several

months which is not profitable

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

in any way.

Moreover

, it takes time to look for the products on Internetinternet after the shopping process is completed ,

therefore

, a number of hours of useful time is ruined for

this

task.

for instance

, internet sites like Amazon and Flipkart have thousands of products to choose from that spend time and people throw lots of money there.

whereas

, online shopping is not trustworthy ,as, the quality of the product cannot be judged by seeing the picture

as a result

sometimes individuals

did

Wrong verb form

show examples

not get the expected material on delivery.

Also

, these websites are designed in

such

a way that more attention of buyers is gained including attractive offers so that customers must buy just keeping in mind the low price neglecting the usefulness of the product. A survey

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

conducted by researchers that 90% of people buy things when they get special offers. To recapitulate, meaningless shopping of things not only distracts from useful work but

also

brings economic loss in life.

Submitted by js.deep8016 on Wed May 01 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Try to organize your paragraphs more clearly, each with a single main idea followed by explanation and example.

Language and Accuracy

Carefully proofread your essay for typing errors and correct use of capitalization (e.g., 'Internet' not 'internet'). These small details can improve the professionalism of your writing.

Lexical Resource

Enhance your range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely and add complexity to your arguments.

Task Achievement

Make sure your introduction clearly states your viewpoint. A stronger conclusion summarizing your main points and reiterating your opinion would also strengthen your essay.

Task Achievement

You effectively covered the topic and provided relevant examples to support your argument.

Content

The essay has a clear position and addresses the topic thoroughly.

Examples

Use of real-world examples (e.g., Amazon and Flipkart) to support your arguments helps make your essay more relatable and convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

240 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that in all levels of education from primary school to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not in learning practical skills, upto what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people prefer to work on school projects with a group, while others would rather work alone. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

some people believe that social media sites, such as facebook or twitter, have a negative impcat on young people and their ability to form personal relatioship. others believe that these sites bring people together in beneficial way