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Band 6

The chart below describes the source of electricity produced in four countries between 2003 and 2008

The chart below describes the source of electricity produced in four countries between 2003 and 2008
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The pie charts illustrate
produced
Correct article usage
the produced
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 electricity origin in
India
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,
Sweden
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,
Morocco
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 and
Vietnam
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from
Change preposition
between
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 2003 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Morocco
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 and
Sweden
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's electricity
production
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 majority based on Hydropower,
while
Linking Words
India
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 and
Vietnam
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 choose Fossil fuels. There are two
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country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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 show highly similar results in their way of regenerating Hydropower, which
are
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is
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Morocco
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 and
Sweden
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 with 95% and 52% respectively. Fossil fuel usage shows almost identical percentage values for both countries, with only a difference of 1% less in
Sweden
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's
production
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.
Besides
Linking Words
Morocco
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,
Sweden
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 creates alternative
production
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 sources with Nuclear power which helps to generate almost 44% of the
country
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's resources for utilities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Vietnam
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 and
India
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's usage of Fossil fuels. The current results,
India
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 has 79% of its fuel made by Fossil,
while
Linking Words
Vietnam
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 has 56% of the
country
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's general
production
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 rate for electricity. Unlike
Vietnam
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,
India
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 surpasses its competitors and contains all forms of energy materials to create the best from it. That affects the
country
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's
production
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 with 14% Hydropowertransformation.Meanwhile, Nuclear fuel only captivates 7% .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words india, sweden, morocco, vietnam, production, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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