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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jails, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent to hospital. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 must be treated like criminals. Another
belief
Use synonyms
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 they should be treated like cancer patients and sent to
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 for rehabilitation
Change preposition
of their
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
addicts
Use synonyms
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
Use synonyms
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that they must sent to
jails
Fix the agreement mistake
jail
show examples
.
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views.
Body · 1
on the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 must get a punishment when they use
Use synonyms
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
 in the wrong path.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they must ensure
drug
Use synonyms
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 repeat what they do.
Moreover
Linking Words
, almost of
drug
Use synonyms
addict
Fix the agreement mistake
addicts
show examples
 will lead to commit
another crimes
Replace the adjective
another crime
other crimes
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, In
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 will
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 robbery or theft to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their needs when they face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction
Use synonyms
.
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has
direct result
Replace the word
directly resulted
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the highest number of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 20 years.
moreover
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think they must protect the society from the
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
. they fear
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
drug
Use synonyms
 user will spread their influence to the
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
 generation
Body · 2
on the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 should be treated like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as cancer or
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
. they think that
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 must go
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 hospital to get rehabilitation. they feel that
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 are still
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 who need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
treatment
for curing
Change preposition
to cure
show examples
 their
addiction
Use synonyms
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
.
furthermore
Linking Words
, they
Use synonyms
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 still have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 future when they
cured
Add a missing verb
are cured
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
addiction
Use synonyms
.
Body · 3
they think that the man who
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
drug
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
addicts
Fix the agreement mistake
addict
show examples
 have a reason why he
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs and must find
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
 to the root causes of
addiction
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
in conclusion, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 that some
people
Use synonyms
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 must be treated like
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 and another views
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 must be treated like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
, i completely
Use synonyms
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that
drug
Use synonyms
addicts
Use synonyms
 must be treated like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 to make they
given
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 up and surrender to use a
drug
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction and Conclusion
To strengthen your essay, ensure that your introduction and conclusion are directly addressing the question. While you've stated your opinion, integrating a clear thesis statement in your introduction could provide a stronger foundation.
Coherence and Cohesion
A varied sentence structure and more transitional phrases could enhance the reading flow and coherence between your ideas.
Lexical Resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your points more precisely. Avoid repetitions and aim for synonym usage to enrich your language.
Task Response
Providing more specific examples and citing credible sources could significantly enhance the persuasiveness and relevance of your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have presented both views on the issue, which is a critical requirement of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay's structure, with distinct paragraphs for each view, aids in reader understanding.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • disciplinary measures
  • corrective institution
  • chronic health condition
  • psychological support
  • recovery programs
  • recidivism
  • deter
  • holistic healing
  • underlying issues
  • mitigate
  • cycle of drug abuse
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