Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jails, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent to hospital. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
that
drug
addicts
must be treated like criminals. Another
belief
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
they should be treated like cancer patients and sent to
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
for rehabilitation
Change preposition
of their
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
addicts
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
that they must sent to
jails
Fix the agreement mistake
jail
show examples
.
this
essay will discuss both views. on the one hand, some
people
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
that
drug
addicts
must get a punishment when they use
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
in the wrong path.
This
is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they must ensure
drug
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
repeat what they do.
Moreover
, almost of
drug
addict
Fix the agreement mistake
addicts
show examples
will lead to commit
another crimes
Replace the adjective
another crime
other crimes
show examples
.
For example
, In
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
addicts
will
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
robbery or theft to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
their needs when they face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction
.
this
phenomenon has
direct result
Replace the word
directly resulted
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the highest number of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
in the
last
20 years.
moreover
, some
people
think they must protect the society from the
drug
addicts
. they fear
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
drug
user will spread their influence to the
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
generation
on the other hand
, some
people
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
drug
addicts
should be treated like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
as cancer or
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
. they think that
drug
addicts
must go
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
hospital to get rehabilitation. they feel that
drug
addicts
are still
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
who need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
treatment
for curing
Change preposition
to cure
show examples
their
addiction
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
.
furthermore
, they
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
that
drug
addicts
still have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
future when they
cured
Add a missing verb
are cured
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
addiction
. they think that the man who
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
drug
addicts
Fix the agreement mistake
addict
show examples
have a reason why he
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs and must find
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
to the root causes of
addiction
. in conclusion, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
that some
people
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
addicts
must be treated like
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
and another views
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
that
drug
addicts
must be treated like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
, i completely
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
that
drug
addicts
must be treated like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
to make they
given
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
up and surrender to use a
drug
.
Submitted by rifkiw1205 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
To strengthen your essay, ensure that your introduction and conclusion are directly addressing the question. While you've stated your opinion, integrating a clear thesis statement in your introduction could provide a stronger foundation.
Coherence and Cohesion
A varied sentence structure and more transitional phrases could enhance the reading flow and coherence between your ideas.
Lexical Resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your points more precisely. Avoid repetitions and aim for synonym usage to enrich your language.
Task Response
Providing more specific examples and citing credible sources could significantly enhance the persuasiveness and relevance of your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have presented both views on the issue, which is a critical requirement of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay's structure, with distinct paragraphs for each view, aids in reader understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • disciplinary measures
  • corrective institution
  • chronic health condition
  • psychological support
  • recovery programs
  • recidivism
  • deter
  • holistic healing
  • underlying issues
  • mitigate
  • cycle of drug abuse
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