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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the deserted house To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#house
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Guni
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 and
Gougi
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 lived in a world, corrupted by & ghosts and supernatural beings from different," world. The planet was called Gaia. In their small village of the mysterious valley of no return, there stood a deserted
house
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, its windows were shattered its roof were sagging, and it was & surounded wa with a ghostly aura. Rumouts spread throughout the village that the
house
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 was haunted, but
Guni
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 and
Gougi
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 did not belie in
such
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 rumours. They had curious brigh, alu seeking for adventure at most unique places. One night, as the whole village was under sleep.
Guni
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 and brougi were standing infront of the deserted
house
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, chill ran down their spines as they. Opened the creepy rurbed door. Inside the
house
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 was complete darkness, only visible by the faint glow of the moonlight through the broken windows. The
house
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 was so silent that even their heartbeat was audible.
Gougi
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 slowly,
while
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 keeping an eye on every coner of the
house
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, storted to explore deeper into the
house
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, they came across a symbol written on the wall with an otherworldly glow. The air became heavy and, which made their breath even harder.. Suddenly, the floor beneath them broke and they fell into a dark pit as dark as my african friend. They were scared to the point where
Guni
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 peed in his pants, but gathered their courage and kept on moving to uncover the mysteries of the
house
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. Their search led them to a staircase which led to the bottom, with their trembling feets they went in depth of
house
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 and founded themselves at a vast chamber, which was full of ancient literatures. and relics. The most outstanding artifect of them was a yellow glowing
orb
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 on a pedestal at the middle of the chamber.
Guni
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 was astonished by the beauty of the
orb
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 and tried to touch it. Suddenly the room began to shake and a ancient voice echoed throughout the chamber. "Who dares to disturb my slumber" The voice sended shivers down their spines. Completely frightened,
Guni
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 replied. "We mean no harm" Afterwards
Gougi
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 Keeping her cool, said: "We only seek to uncover the truth".. The voice seemed impressed by their courage and determination, allowed them to have the
orb
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 and said: "I the gaurdian of Gaia, shall allow you to have the powers of the great king, which will guide you on your journey ahead"
Guni
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 and
Gougi
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 reached out and grabbed the
orb
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, feeling its powers coursing through them, they made their way to the surface, they knew that their life will never be the same and began their adventure to uncover the secrets of their powers.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

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Task Response
Consider structuring your essay more tightly around the prompt. While your narrative is engaging, make sure it directly addresses the task.
Task Achievement
Reinforce your essay's argument or stance clearly in the introduction and conclusion for greater impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, making your storyline as clear as possible.
Language
Proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and typos. Although small inaccuracies are overlookable, cleaner writing aids in clarity and professionalism.
Creativity
Your narrative creativity is commendable and adds a unique flair to your essay.
Use of Language
The use of descriptive language brings the deserted house to life and effectively engages the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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