Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Violence
Use synonyms
on television and in computer
games
Use synonyms
has become a major issue today.
Violence
Use synonyms
is one of the most pervasive phenomena in society . Some people think that media
violence
Use synonyms
has a negative effect on the community,
whereas
Linking Words
others do not. I do not believe that media and
video
Use synonyms
violence
Use synonyms
damages society.
This
Linking Words
essay will give the evidence to support my opinion. There are many reasons why I think that
violence
Use synonyms
in media does not have any damaging effects on society.
First,
Linking Words
millions of teenagers enjoy and participate in violent
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. The evidence to support
this
Linking Words
lies in criminal statistics. Violent teenage crimes have decreased.
Second,
Linking Words
a person's actions are a reflection of who they are. Television and computer
games
Use synonyms
don't shape personalities
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
rather, family and environment do.
In addition
Linking Words
, a normally adjusted person can recognise and distinguish between the virtual world and reality.
Finally
Linking Words
, parents can control their children. Every game has a parental control option.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are restrictions that warn parents about the violent content.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
violence
Use synonyms
on TV and in
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
is pure entertainment.
First,
Linking Words
aggressive scenes and
games
Use synonyms
can provide a creative atmosphere. An example of
this
Linking Words
is that bloody stories in
games
Use synonyms
or on television give a deep experience for the viewer .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is understood that these are simply depictions.
Second,
Linking Words
gamers and viewers are free to enjoy their
games
Use synonyms
and movies.
For example
Linking Words
, the creators can block the aggressive scenes from children.
Finally
Linking Words
, violent
games
Use synonyms
and films can sometimes reduce stress.
For instance
Linking Words
, some people play
such
Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
not to be aggressive, but to release their anger. In conclusion, it is clear to see that neither computers nor TV is a major reason for
violence
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
video
Use synonyms
and TV can be a source of pleasure.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

overall
State your view in a clear way in the first paragraph and keep it clear to the end.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas go with each other, like also, but, because, so.
coherence
Give strong and clear proof for your ideas. Do not rely on one or two facts.
structure
Make each paragraph hold one main idea and its proof.
grammar
Check grammar and use plain words. Avoid big words that may be wrong.
progress
The essay keeps a clear view and easy to follow line.
structure
There is a good set up with intro, body and conclusion.
coherence
There are signs of good link use and contrast between ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: