IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion

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Smoking is a bad habit it not only has a devastating health impact on a smoker but
also
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 affects the people around him.
As a result
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, many corporations and public places have restrictions on smoking. I completely agree with
this
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 action, and the following essay would be providing some addditional reasons and evidences for implementing a ban on these kinds of activities. Primarily, If a person lights up a cigarette in a public area it could lead to secondary and tertiary smoking when inhaled by others who are in and around
this
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 individual.
Moreover
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,
such
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 people are more likely prone to have improper functioning or failure of a few organs. Example: In a recent research published by the WHO, stated that if someone is doing secondary smoking and is exposing themselves to
such
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 a dangerous environment for a longer period
then
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this
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 can affect their nervous system and cause lung cancer.
Therefore
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, smoking in non-private locations should be prohibited. Smoking around asthma patients, who already have a breathing problem, can
furthermore
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 elevate the risks of death
due to
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 choking, Example: An article released by AIMS Delhi, in 2019, mentions that an asthma patient has an 8% higher chance of dying if he is continuously inhaling nicotine gas.
Hence
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, there needs to be restrictions on lighting a cigarette in hospitals, colleges, workplaces, and bus stands. etc In conclusion, a private space should be provided to light a cigarette, because doing
this
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 in an office or a crowded place can affect the health of others and become a reason for fatal death.

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General
Your introduction does a good job of stating your position and outlining the main reasons, but it could be a bit more detailed. Try to include a brief overview of the points you'll discuss in the body paragraphs.
Grammar
Be careful with grammar and spelling mistakes. For example, 'addditional' should be 'additional', and 'asthma' should be spelled consistently.
Variety
Attempt to vary your sentence structure to make the text more engaging. Mixing simple, compound, and complex sentences can improve readability.
Evidence
You provided strong examples and evidence to support your arguments, which adds credibility to your essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position, making it a strong ending.
Structure
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • workplace productivity
  • illness-related absences
  • environmental pollution
  • discarded cigarette butts
  • economic considerations
  • healthcare costs
  • de-normalize tobacco use
  • smoke-free culture
  • initiation of smoking
  • duty of care
  • public health policy
  • healthier employees
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