In many countries government are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money.
In various
nations
young adults are moving away from their Add a comma
nations,
home
towns and living in urban areas for higher education and for a better work life. Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
may harm a person
in the short term, it allows to creation of new opportunities
and i
believe that Change the capitalization
I
this
advantage far outweighs any potential disadvantages.
Firstly
, moving away from family carry
a lot of advantages like it opens Correct subject-verb agreement
carries
opportunities
while
being away from home
gives a person
the audacity to take risks and remove obstacles like
they can leave the job and start a business in which they can create numerous Correct word choice
apply
opportunities
like a higher source of income, freedom to take holidays and business gives an elite class status in front of our relatives, neighbours and loved ones,
In addition
, leaving home
and moving towards urban areas might harm a person
in the short term like they do not have to rely on parent's
money. Correct pronoun usage
their parent's
Likewise
, people have to live without parents which is the hardest thing subsequently
, people have to be mature and independent like making lunch, and dinner and cleaning the whole home
without any parent's support therefore
, many people take loans to shift to the new place, which creates a pressure on a individuals mind that they have to work hard to feed their family and fulfil loan.
In conclusion, i
believe that moving away from family opens lots of Change the capitalization
I
opportunities
for a person
and it is also
true that in the short term
a Add a comma
term,
person
can be harmed. This
essay has examined the advantages outweigh than disadvantages.Submitted by tushalk329
on
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Structure
To enhance the structure, consider using a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to better introduce the main idea.
Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs for smoother flow.
Support
Further develop your body paragraphs by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your main points.
Task Response
Clarify your position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion for a stronger argument overall.
Language
Consider revising for small inaccuracies in grammar and vocabulary to improve clarity and overall effectiveness.
Understanding
You've shown a good understanding of the topic by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away from family for better opportunities.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, showing a good structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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