In many countries government are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money.

#countries #government #technology #money

In various

nations

Add a comma

nations,

show examples

young adults are moving away from their

home

towns and living in urban areas for higher education and for a better work life.

Although

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

this

may harm a

person

in the short term, it allows to creation of new

opportunities

and

Change the capitalization

show examples

believe that

this

advantage far outweighs any potential disadvantages.

Firstly

, moving away from family

carry

Correct subject-verb agreement

carries

show examples

a lot of advantages like it opens

opportunities

while

being away from

home

gives a

person

the audacity to take risks and remove obstacles

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they can leave the job and start a business in which they can create numerous

opportunities

like a higher source of income, freedom to take holidays and business gives an elite class status in front of our relatives, neighbours and loved ones,

In addition

, leaving

home

and moving towards urban areas might harm a

person

in the short term like they do not have to rely on

parent's

Correct pronoun usage

their parent's

show examples

money.

Likewise

, people have to live without parents which is the hardest thing

subsequently

, people have to be mature and independent like making lunch, and dinner and cleaning the whole

home

without any parent's support

therefore

, many people take loans to shift to the new place, which creates a pressure on a individuals mind that they have to work hard to feed their family and fulfil loan. In conclusion,

Change the capitalization

show examples

believe that moving away from family opens lots of

opportunities

for a

person

and it is

also

true that in the short

term

Add a comma

term,

show examples

person

can be harmed.

This

essay has examined the advantages outweigh than disadvantages.

Submitted by tushalk329 on Thu May 02 2024

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Structure

To enhance the structure, consider using a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to better introduce the main idea.

Cohesion

Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs for smoother flow.

Support

Further develop your body paragraphs by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your main points.

Task Response

Clarify your position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion for a stronger argument overall.

Language

Consider revising for small inaccuracies in grammar and vocabulary to improve clarity and overall effectiveness.

Understanding

You've shown a good understanding of the topic by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away from family for better opportunities.

Conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, showing a good structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

governmental investment
enhance efficiency
accessibility
responsiveness
public services
progressive step
modernizing
quality of life
technological advancements
data management
policy decisions
streamlined processes
shift towards technology
digitization
digital divide
privacy
prioritization

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In many countries government are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people feel tha manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging.Discuss bothe views and give your opinions.

Millions of people move to English speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answers

Some people think that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree? Use specific details and examples to explain your view.

Working abroad can help employees earn a great deal of money and gain more benefits. However, some people think this trend has many negative impacts. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working abroad.