IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Write about the following topic. It is observed that, currently, more and more people are working longer hours. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What effects does this have on society? Write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #hours #phenomenon #effects #society
In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 it is going to talk about how more and more
people
 are working longer
hours
. It is a problem
that is
 happening
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 and is taking a toll on
people
's lives.
Firstly
 we are going to talk about some causes of
this
 phenomenon and
secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
show examples
 we are going to talk about some of the effects that
this
 has on society. Working longer
hours
 is a phenomenon
that is
 happening
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
.
People
 all around the
world
 are working more because things are getting more expensive and their
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 are staying the same
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
for
people
 to make a living they have to work longer
hours
 so that
with
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apply
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their salary
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is enough to pay expenses like
foods
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food
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, taxes, and personal use
therefore
 Inflation is getting out of hand and the minimum wage is staging the same and it is a problem
that is
 a cycle because if they raise the salary of the workers they
also
 have to raise the price of the merchandise so that the business can maintain viable.
In
addition
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addition,
show examples
this
also
 has an effect on society because
people
 have life outside of work so if they are working more
hours
 and staying
for
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apply
show examples
overtime it can have an effect on
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 own personal life mentally and
also
 even physically
that is
 why the 9 to 5 exist so it
doesnt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 become very tedious and can cause many problems that can have an effect on
thousand
Correct your spelling
thousands
show examples
 of
people
 all over the
world
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 more and more
people
 are working longer
hours
 because living is becoming more expensive so they have to work more and it can take a big toll on
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
Correct your spelling
lives
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 physically and mentally from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over working
Correct your spelling
overworking
show examples
Correct your spelling
causing
causeing
Correct your spelling
causing
 more problems
Submitted by patriciareyesfiguero on

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task achievement
Clarify your ideas further with more specific examples or data. While you've discussed the general causes and effects of longer working hours, including more detailed examples could enhance the clarity and impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on the structure of your essay. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is distinct from others. Transition words and phrases can also help improve the flow between sections.
positives
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to add interest and complexity to your writing, which could make your essay more engaging for the reader.
structure
The essay successfully introduces and concludes the topic, stating causes and effects of longer working hours.
task achievement
Your essay maintains relevance to the prompt throughout, keeping focused on the reasons for and impacts of longer work hours.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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