Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

Entertainment has been the top priority of the majority of
people
in
this
stressful world. So, entertainers like comedians and singers are earning more money than other professionals like doctors, and nurses. I completely agree with the notion that these
people
who are from the field of entertainment are earning much more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
previous decade. To start with,
people
are living stressful lives these days
due to
high inflation rates, high rents and lots of pressure from work. The majority of them do not have enough time or money to visit other places which leaves them with options like watching vlogs, short movies or listening to music on television as
this
is more cheaper and affordable.
This
is one of the main reasons these
people
from
this
specific industry are in demand.
For instance
,
people
are earning thousands of US dollars
while
just making daily life vlogs because the community finds them entertaining.
On the other hand
, there is a portion of society which works really hard so that they have all the necessities of life.
For instance
, teachers and nurses are two of the professions that are working more than 10 hours and making a difference in society but are still struggling to even pay the rent and other daily expenses.
According to
my perception, these medical and teaching professions are underrated and get so much less money
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compared to the effort they put into improving the lives of the citizens of the country. The gist of the matter is that some
people
are earning more by just putting in some effort
while
there are those professions that are working so hard and even living a miserable life where they can not even afford a holiday in a year. So, the payment should be
according to
the effort and hard work of the
people
.
Submitted by kiran.deep24 on

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Task Achievement
Provide a more balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument more comprehensively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce more complex sentences and vary your sentence structures to enhance clarity and flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a conclusion that clearly restates your position and summarizes the main points of your essay for a stronger impact.
Task Achievement
You presented a clear opinion that agrees with the statement given, showing good task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow of arguments, making it easy for the reader to follow your thought process.
Task Achievement
You used relevant examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasive power of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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