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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Today in many areas,individuals are living longer than before. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the old population creates problems for authorities,
while
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 others believe there are
benefits
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 if there are more elderly
people
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 in society. In my point of view,
benefits
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 can outweigh
drawbacks
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 in
terms
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 of
decisions
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 and
experience
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,
however
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,the potential
drawbacks
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such
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 as
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 for healthcare and the highest level of death.
To begin
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 with, the
benefits
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 can be in
terms
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 of wide
decisions
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 and valuable
experience
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. The vast majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older
people
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are playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 crucial roles in companies.
Furthermore
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,many of them are leaders,
due to
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 the fact that they have to stay and maintain the quality and sales,mostly because of their own
experience
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 and knowledge of how business works and how to make
decisions
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 in extreme situations.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent survey in Russia showed that many employees prefer to work in the company with a guide,who is older and they can trust him in
terms
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 of wages and future opportunities.
On the other hand
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,the potential
drawbacks
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such
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 as funding for healthcare and high mortality rates. Nowadays, authorities should create some
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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,where ageing populations can easily get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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protection against disease and have regular access to healthcare,
however
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,
this
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 question requires more money for medical employees and a wide selection of good medicines.
For instance
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,in Japan, a vast number of
people
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 are aged,
due to
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 the fact that the government allows them access to hospital facilities at a discount,which maintains their health and protects them against disease.
However
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,if authorities do not share their budget to
this
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 point,the population will decrease significantly,which will be a serious problem
of
Change preposition
for
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 the gene pool.
To sum up
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, the question of the older population has advantages in
terms
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 of making
the
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apply
show examples
decisions
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 and valuable
experience
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 many are working in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies,where they hold top positions.
However
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,the potential
drawbacks
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 can be in economic conditions,where governments have to share their funding for good medicine. In
this
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 question, the
benefits
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 outweigh the
drawbacks
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.

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Introductory clarity
Try to directly address how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the introduction to clearly establish your position.
Conclusion emphasis
In the conclusion, succinctly restate your main arguments to reinforce how you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Sentence variety
Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and flow.
Focus and clarity
Ensure a tighter focus on directly comparing advantages and disadvantages, as this would enhance the overall clarity of your argument.
Example usage
Provided specific examples to support arguments.
Structure
Maintained a clear structure, organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages.
Subject understanding
Demonstrated a good level of subject knowledge and understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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