IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Detailed reporting of crime has bad effects. Consequently, such details should not be reported in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#crime #effects #media
These days, there is a view that broadcasting officials cannot cover
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
detail
Fix the agreement mistake
details
show examples
 of certain incidents in the
media
 or news.
However
, others claim that it is important they should publish the
details
 to the public to prevent similar crimes in the
future
. I endorse the latter. Unfortunately, we often encounter bad events
such
 as murder on the internet or any other broadcasts. Many
people
 argue that the
media
 contains too many detailed matters which is unnecessary,and
people
 say that that could create similar incidents in the
future
. Actually, there was a murder case at the shopping centre in Bondi Sydney. One man killed and stabbed multiple
people
 and right next day, one university student was carrying a knife when he was moving to another place by train.
Also
, a detail of a specific
crime
 sometimes shows the innocent perpetrator's parent's personal information on the
media
.
Therefore
, it is evident that covering
details
 of
crime
 should be banned.
On the other hand
, other
people
 assert that
details
 of
crime
 help to prevent a similar
crime
 in the
future
. It is important for
people
 to be aware of
crime
 prevention methods and to prevent
future
 crimes from occurring. Regarding voice phishing, the methods of the scam have been developed,
therefore
 covering the information about voice phishing
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 in the
media
 is useful substantially.
To sum up
,
while
 it's true that there are opposing views on the issue,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Revealing the
details
 of the incident seems inevitable for the prevention of copycat crimes.
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Task Achievement
Be sure to develop your arguments more fully. While you provided examples, expanding on how these examples support your point would make your argument stronger.
Task Achievement
Try to be consistent with your opinion throughout the essay. The conclusion seems to slightly contradict the earlier point that detailed reporting should be banned.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Coherence & Cohesion
Check your writing for minor grammatical errors and typos to ensure clarity and professionalism. These small mistakes can detract from the overall impression.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sensationalize
  • ethical journalism
  • public safety
  • apprehension and prosecution
  • skewed perception
  • glorification of criminals
  • anxiety and fear
  • distress and lack of privacy
  • undue attention
  • media sensationalism
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