These days, many people watch spors on TV. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

At present, a considerable number of

people

enjoy watching

sports

events on

. In my opinion, I believe that watching

sports

can bring about more problems for audiences compared to any advantages it might bring. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits of watching

sports

Firstly

people

can feel excited.

In other words

, when

people

watch

sports

, they usually watch a match that they like with their family or friends.

As a result

this

will make them feel happy because they can sit together at the same time.

Secondly

, when

people

watch

sports

, they can save their money.

This

is because if they want to watch an actual match, they have to spend a lot of money not only for transportation but

also

for tickets.

Nevertheless

, despite the advantages above, I believe

people

who watch

sports

could face serious drawbacks. One potentially dangerous problem is that they will perform badly at work or school.

That is

to say, most

sports

shows are late at night, and some

people

spend long hours in front of the

without getting enough sleep.

Hence

, when they go to work or school, they cannot focus and perform well. Another obvious issue is that

people

will become lazy.

This

is because they usually sit in front of the

for long hours without doing any physical activity. In some cases, they can gain weight easily.

To sum up

, I believe that when

people

watch

sports

, they will face many problems,

such

as a lack of performance and laziness

Submitted by s_syedy on Sat Feb 24 2024

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task achievement

To improve task response, ensure that you fully address the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in a balanced manner. Consider expanding your points on the benefits of watching sports on TV to offer a more comprehensive view.

task achievement

Work on developing your ideas further to make your arguments more persuasive. Include more detailed examples or evidence to back up your points. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, use a wider range of linking phrases to seamlessly connect your ideas. Also, consider organizing your paragraphs more effectively to ensure that your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, aim to make your introduction more engaging by including a thesis statement that better outlines your stance and previewing the main points you will discuss.

coherence cohesion

When supporting your main points, elaborate on your examples by explaining how they specifically relate to the topic at hand. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more informative.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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