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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Most people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

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Some people care about their career and family at the
time
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 in order to achieve success and happiness .
This
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 situation can cause some people like
health
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 issues,and to avoid that balancing between the two is essential .
To begin
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 with , nowadays many people
work
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 hard to have a good career
as well as
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 a satisfied family .
This
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 can create pressure and stress , so if they focus on both sides and ignore themselves in terms of well-being , It would lead to many diseases , like depression and high blood pressure .
For instance
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 , there were studies showed that the majority of workers struggled with mental
health
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due to
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 the high pressure they have which came from strive a perfect life . With regard to solutions , there are several effective ways to address
this
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 problem , the main way is looking for a balance , individuals should think about themselves and specify times to do something that can help improve their
health
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 ,
for example
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 , they should divide their
time
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 between family ,
work
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 , and selves so after they finish their
work
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 they should not bring anything related to
work
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 to their home , and in their home, they can spend
time
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 with their kids but they need to think about themselves like going out and walking to refresh and enhance their
health
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 as well .
To sum up
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 , excessive thinking about having a perfect life leads to
health
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 problems which can take a long
time
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 to heal.
in contrast
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, balance is needed to resolve
this
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 issue even If they do not have the life they wish for, They should avoid overthinking in order to maintain their
health
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 .

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas in your main points. It might be helpful to have distinct paragraphs focusing on different issues and solutions.
task achievement
Make sure to use more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This adds reliability and depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph clearly follows from the one before. Aim for smooth transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good introduction and conclusion, which outlines the main topic and summarises your points effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic appropriately by discussing problems and suggesting possible solutions, showing a clear understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • stress
  • burnout
  • family responsibilities
  • time management
  • relationship strain
  • prioritize
  • flexible working arrangements
  • telecommuting
  • communication
  • extended family
  • childcare
  • self-care
  • personal well-being
  • satisfaction
What to do next:
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