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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as team. What are the causes? Suggest possible solutions.

In
this
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 modern era, more and more
people
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 compete to get a good job opportunity. Is
this
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 a good development? Some
people
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 claim that a number of new
employees
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 lack soft
skills
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.
However
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, I would explain why
this
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 phenomenon happens, and I would offer a solution to the rising problem. Looking first at the reason why new
employees
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 these days lack basic interpersonal
skills
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, some
people
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 argue that
this
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 occurs as the result of the massive development of technology.
Consequently
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,
this
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 development produces a new
generation
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 which is less tough than the previous
generation
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. Gen Z,
for example
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, will be
people
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 in the productive age, and most of them are new
employees
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 in a
company
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.
This
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 idea is
well-address
Correct your spelling
well-addressed
show examples
those
Change preposition
by those
show examples
 who are well-known as a digital native, and they are very excellent in terms of digitalization, but not for interpersonal
skills
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such
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 as working in teamwork.
In addition
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, the considerable cause of
this
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 issue is addressed to a group of fresh graduates, as the impact of global phenomena namely COVID-19, shares the same characteristics which has spent their golden age to develop, yet end up being not productive
people
Use synonyms
 for almost 2 years. Turning to the solutions to issues
arise
Correct pronoun usage
that arise
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, the employers need to give them official training at the beginning of their job.
This
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 is the most logical and acceptable solution as
this
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 issue has happened all around the world, and the
company
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 need to rearrange their method of recruitment, which includes a minimum of one month of training before starting new positions. What is more, the companies, need to adapt to the new
generation
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 in the field of work.
For instance
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, even if
this
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generation
Use synonyms
 has weaknesses in interpersonal
skills
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, they are good at adapting to new environments, which is beneficial for the
company
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 to maximize their potential.
Additionally
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, every
generation
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 has its own uniqueness, and it would be optimal once the
company
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 can manage and overcome the bad situations.
Therefore
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,
this
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 issue would be solved without blaming the new
employees
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 only. In conclusion, the weakness of every
generation
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 as new
employees
Use synonyms
 is inevitable.
Therefore
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, the companies should maximize the potential and adapt to new changes as a wise ethical solution to the problem.

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Task Achievement
To improve your task response, aim to provide more varied and specific examples to support your arguments. While you've made a good attempt at addressing the prompt, incorporating real-world examples or case studies could enhance the depth of your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider varying your transitional phrases and structuring your paragraphs more distinctly to ensure each serves a clear purpose in your argument. Using a broader range of linking words can make your essay flow more naturally.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well structured, providing a clear overview and summarization of your essay's main points.
Logical Structure
You've succeeded in maintaining a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay, displaying a good level of coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task comprehensively, presenting arguments and solutions in a structured manner, effectively responding to the prompt.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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