IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Modern Society and Income. Discuss modern attitude to money and how they have changed over teh year.

#society #income #attitude #money #teh #year
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Currently
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Currently,
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 we are witnessing how physical
money
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 is being replaced by
credut
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credit
 and debit cards in the modern culture. I believe that
this
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this
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 is the reason why
humas
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humans
 are
loosing
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losing
show examples
the
Change the word
their
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 awareness of the value of
money
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. We are uncertain of the
amount
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 of pocket
money
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 that we should be given to our
kids
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.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 there are disproportionate differences in wages between different
profesions
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professions
, that are not always justified by the
amount
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 of
responsability
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responsibility
. Only two decades ago,
kids
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 would get some pocket
money
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 to allow them to buy some sweets.
In contrast
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, now parents feel the
oblidation
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obligation
 of retributing their
kids
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 with
vast
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a vast
the vast
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amount
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 of
money
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 to recognise their achievements.  Something
that is
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 worth discussing is the differences in pay that we can see
along
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among
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 the different jobs. There is a general
believe
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belief
show examples
 that the salaries should be in proportion to the
responsability
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responsibility
. 
However
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, famous actors and footballers earn a ridiculous
amount
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 of
money
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, and our
kids
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 are more attracted to becoming influencers on the internet than studying for a university degree.  In conclusion, income is an indispensable component of our society.
Therefore
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, it is important that we educate ourselves and our
kids
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 about finances so we all understand the effort required to get the
money
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 that allows us to get what we want and how to make informed decisions when it comes to finances.
Submitted by olatzbaroja on

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Grammar and Spelling
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors, as they can sometimes obscure the clarity of your arguments. For instance, 'credut' should be 'credit', and 'humas' should be 'humans'. Correcting these will enhance the readability of your essay.
Supporting Examples
When discussing changes over time, providing specific examples or statistics can strengthen your argument. For instance, you could mention the rise of digital payments and compare it to past habits more specifically.
Coherence
To improve coherence, try to connect paragraphs with transition phrases that emphasize the progression of your ideas. This will make your argumentation smoother and more compelling.
Structure
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, neatly encapsulating the main points.
Content Relevance
You've touched upon relevant modern issues like digital payments, changing attitudes towards pocket money, and disparities in income, showing a good grasp of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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