IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. To what extent do you agree

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The argument against university
students
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 is that they should only specialise in
one
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 area. Others,
however
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, believe learning a wide range of
subjects
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 is necessarily required in modern society. From my perspective, I strongly agree with the viewpoint that
students
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 should know more
subjects
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due to
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 the growing competitiveness of the job market and the advantages of a holistic education. It is acknowledged that specializing in
one
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 particular subject can alleviate the burden on university
students
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 as they can only focus their efforts on a single area and have more time to relax; but, in the long run, it is not conducive to personal development.
For instance
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, a student exclusively studying mathematics could excel in data analysis but may lack the creative and communication skills, which potentially limits their ability to address complicated problems from different angles and collaborate effectively in diverse teams.
However
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, the situation would be different if they could know about other
subjects
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 like art or literacy, providing a more holistic perspective to approach challenges.
Therefore
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, studying various
subjects
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 is necessary. On the
one
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 hand, learning a range of
subjects
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 can prepare university
students
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 for employment, which makes them have better prospects. It is self-evident that employers tend to recruit candidates who are experts in different fields to maximise their potential.
For example
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, a student who studies both biology and computer science can enhance their employability since some pharmacy companies increasingly require professionals with a blend of knowledge of these two fields to develop cutting-edge medicine.
On the other hand
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, learning a variety of
subjects
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 helps educate the whole person by teaching them different ways of thinking and showing how everything is connected.
This
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 broad knowledge prepares individuals to handle more challenging tasks. In conclusion, the group who had acquired knowledge in more than
one
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 area of specialisation are more advantageous than those who would have studied a specialisation.
Hence
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, I would strongly agree that universities must encourage
students
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 to learn a range of
subjects
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.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your position, which is good. However, it would be beneficial to briefly outline the main points that will be discussed in the body of the essay for clearer guidance to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your paragraphs are well-structured, consider adding clearer topic sentences that outline the main focus of each paragraph to enhance the logical structure further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences could be made clearer by simplifying complex structures. Aim for clarity to ensure your ideas are easily understood, especially when explaining your examples.
Task Achievement
You have successfully communicated a strong argument in favor of studying a range of subjects, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas flow logically from one to the next, and you use examples effectively to support your argument, demonstrating good coherence.
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