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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, parents are allowing their children to use tablets and smartphones to enhance learning. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#parents #children #tablets #smartphones #development
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In today’s era, many parents let their kids use iPads and mobile phones in order to increase their learning abilities.
This
 essay will argue that the advantages do not outweigh the drawbacks. The essay will first demonstrate that not only children are easy prey to frauds but
also
 their health is at stake because of these devices, followed by an analysis of how the primary advantage of limitless knowledge that a child can get is quite similar to the
one
 that he or she would get from books.
To begin
 with, it is quite common these days to come across news regarding pupils being an easy target of criminals online. The youngsters are naive and can be easily manipulated by the wrong people.
This
 has resulted in various dreaded crimes which include, date rapes and kidnapping.
Moreover
, there’s an exponential rise in diseases in the young age group. Obesity and diabetes are two of the most crucial examples. These disorders have increased the mortality rate in children.
One
 of the reasons for
this
 is uninterrupted usage of the screen. These young minds prefer to stay indoors rather than play outside, which has eventually made them couch potatoes.
On the other hand
, these technological tools have indeed proved to be useful because of the infinite content available with just
one
 click.
Nevertheless
,
one
 can get similar content in books and newspapers.
For instance
, if someone wants to learn a new language, that can be effortlessly achieved by reading a manual or talking to a teacher. In conclusion, the fact that providing children with tablets and iPhones exposes them to many dangerous
as well as
 life-threatening situations and
hence
, the advantages of mere endless content do not outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by chelsipurohit.12 on

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Task Achievement
To improve on Task Achievement, ensure your argument fully addresses both sides of the discussion, providing more balanced examples and explanations.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your examples further to clearly demonstrate the impact or provide more specific evidence relating to the advantages and disadvantages mentioned.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on linking ideas more smoothly between paragraphs with a variety of cohesive devices beyond just simple connectors.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have clearly stated your position in the introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure to your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay discusses both sides of the argument, which is essential for the task. However, further balance and depth in discussion would enhance your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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