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Band 3

Many think in today's world it is very difficult for people to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Others, However, feel that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#world #people #lifestyle
in modern
life
 , recently
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 overrunning the
childern
Correct your spelling
children
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 up and their erea surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 several restaurants and bad
food
 , some individuals calm that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not hard to sustainable in
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
life
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 agree with
this
 view I will demonstrate that
furthermore
 and give reasons .
to begin
 with , fast
food
becomes
Wrong verb form
is becoming
show examples
 more and more popular in our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 all the restaurants and unhealthy
food
 surrounding
in
Correct pronoun usage
us in
show examples
 our modern
life
 that situation make the healthy person more hard to complete ,
for instance
 when the individual or notably
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 want to buy some
food
 the unhealthy
food
 more common and in every step person can find some restaurants that make the opt for these bad
food
 easily .
secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 time and
mony
Correct your spelling
money
 why? if the individual
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to make his own
food
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home that means he should bring the
food
 and
cooking
Wrong verb form
cook
show examples
 it that will take some time especially if the person
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 work that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
situation
Add an article
the situation
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
hard
also
 healthy
food
 nowadays is begin expensive for
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 a lot of people being
angre
Correct your spelling
angry
anger
 because the cost is high .
to sum up
,
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
change
Change the verb form
changes
show examples
 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and improve it
also
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our behaviour ,
business
Fix the agreement mistake
Businesses
show examples
 should
to decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 to make more people take
cear
Correct your spelling
care
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
health
 .
Submitted by abdulelah.gh3 on

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Introduction Development
Work on developing your introduction more effectively by directly addressing both views mentioned in the prompt before stating your opinion. This will create a stronger foundation for your essay.
Essay Organization
Consider organizing your essay more clearly by dedicating one paragraph to discussing each view separately before providing your own opinion. This helps in achieving a more logical structure and in making your argument more persuasive.
Specific Examples
Use specific examples to substantiate your points. While you mention fast food and healthy eating costs, more detailed examples or data could make your argument stronger and more convincing.
Grammar & Spelling
Be mindful of spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Errors in these areas can distract from your message and make it difficult for the reader to follow your argument.
Clear Position
You have a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task response.
Use of Examples
You attempt to use examples to support your points, which is essential for developing an argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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