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Band 7

Some people think that young people should spend their free time with their families instead of enjoying outside entertainment. However, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #families #entertainment
Young people spend most of their lives in school or studying.
Therefore
, when they have free
time
, they can either do
activities
 with their families or go out and enjoy outside entertainment. My personal opinion is that both options have positive outcomes, and the youth should be able to enjoy both options. On one hand, there are those adults who believe that spending
time
 with their families is the best option. Mainly, their arguments are that the family members are the best role models the teenagers could have.
Similarly
, they support the idea that their grown-ups would be able to teach them all the required skills that will need when they grow up. They consider that there are multiple risks
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the streets and that young people could be exposed to dangerous
activities
 and substances.
On the other hand
, there are those who support the idea which suggests that young kids should enjoy the outside entertainment. These group of people based their opinions on the latest studies, which suggest that outside
activities
 increase specific qualities like self-esteem and confidence, which will help in the development of the individuals. Parents may be sometimes overprotective and they could avoid teenagers facing situations that may help them develop their own personalities. In conclusion, when it comes to adolescents and how they should enjoy their
time
 outside school, I think that we should not be one-sided.
Although
 spending
time
 with their families is really beneficial, enjoying outdoor
activities
 helps to develop the social skills necessary to grow up as a confident adult.
Submitted by olatzbaroja on

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Language
Try to include a wider range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to enhance the complexity and precision of your argument.
Content
Provide more specific examples to support your points, which can make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
Task Response
Ensure a balance between discussing both views and your own opinion to fully address the essay prompt.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, making your position clear.
Content
You've presented a balanced view effectively discussing the merits of both perspectives before stating your opinion.
Coherence
Good use of paragraphing to separate and emphasize different ideas, improving readability and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bond
  • relationship
  • communication
  • experience
  • learn
  • opportunity
  • exposure
  • culture
  • perspective
  • development
  • interest
  • skill
  • socialize
  • peer
  • broaden
  • horizon
  • opinion
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