In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?
some
people
assume that emergency workers should not help the
Correct article usage
apply
people
who practise hazardous sports over their life because this
is their own life and they must maintain their responsibility.In my perspective, this
is a very egotistic thing and a harmful act for the community. However
, there are some situations the helpers team can not participate in.
To begin
with, As we know saving and helping others' lives in every situation whether on tough tasks
or normal things is the relief workers liable.
Change the punctuation
?
In addition
, they choose to be in this
job and to be available all the time to help others. Thus
, they should be meticulous and faithful in their work.
Moreover
, some people
like to try new experiences even if it is dangerous or hard to do and they do not expect to be injured.So they can not help themselves in this
situation and they will need the rescue workers. To illustrate, some children or teenagers want to endeavour scuba diving or other sports alone without their parents so the rescue employee should be with them in this
way participation.
Furthermore
, Sometimes there are problems between people
and they get hurt by each other.
For instance
, rescue people
will be infected with them if they try to be between them. Thus
, they should call the police station to solve this
problem and to punish them.
In conclusion, The positive effects of helping others take precedence over the negative aspects,in my opinion,it is a humanitarian and charitable work to save other's lives.Submitted by bashayeralamer on
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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea that is well-explained and supported by relevant specific examples. For instance, discuss specific hazardous sports and why volunteers choose to engage in them. Highlight how emergency workers can effectively help in such scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'On the other hand', and 'For example' effectively to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Review grammar and sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing. For example, instead of 'rescue employee should be with them in this way participation,' you can say 'rescue workers should accompany them during such activities.'
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph can be stronger by summarizing key points discussed and restating your opinion more clearly.
task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the topic and attempts to provide a balanced view, mentioning both the role of emergency workers and responsibilities of individuals.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which gives a clear structure to your response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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