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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
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Test3 book9 The diagrams illustrate some detail on the ages of the people of
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in 2000
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 projections for 2050. The biggest
amount
Use synonyms
 of population in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 was the 15-year-old by almost 50%;
however
Linking Words
, it is expected the higher range will be 15-59-years people in 2050. Italy's 15-59 years population was approximately 61 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 will be the biggest one in 2050 too.
Yemen
Use synonyms
's community under 15 years old was half of the population in 2000
this
Linking Words
 group was 61% in Italy after that 15-59years was the huge
amount
Use synonyms
 by 46% in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and 61.6% in Italy and the latest one by almost 3.5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 the oldest community in
Yemen
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 and one fourth in Italy. It is expected
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
 15-59 years persons to be the biggest
amount
Use synonyms
 in both of
Linking Words
this country
Fix the agreement mistake
these countries
show examples
 in 2050
however
Linking Words
, 0-14years will be 37 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and 11.5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in Italy the 60+ people will increase dramatically in 2050 in Italy
however
Linking Words
 these persons will decrease by 5.7 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, amount, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
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