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Band 2

Some people say that the est way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facillities. others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

#people #health #sports #facillities #effect #measures
As far as I`m concerned a group of people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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agree with
increasing
Verb problem
improving
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 health
with
Change preposition
by
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 doing some activities and the other one are positive with isn`t really work I`m going to explain about both of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 ideas
however
, I have to say that I think doing some sports is more helpful. Doing activities for healthcare is a good way to improve self-health
.some reasercher
Correct your spelling
Some researchers
 have done
a
Correct article usage
apply
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few
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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reaserch
Correct your spelling
research
 on
persons
Replace the word
people
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 who have been doing a lot of exercise for 6 months and found that really healthier than before .
This
 group was happier than the time they didn't do any sports. Doing something else things like seeing a Dr or taking a tablet for every illness
isn`t
Verb problem
doesn`t
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 really work and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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body
Add an article
the body
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 very sensitive. A master of physiology did
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research on some sick
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 and he
find
Wrong verb form
found
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 that their
pein
Correct your spelling
pain
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 was good just for the time when they were on a tablet effect .
This
 research told us doing
Add an article
the activity
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 are more effective and their effect is for a long time but the other ways aren't really helpful.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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structure
Try to structure your essay with clearer paragraphs, each devoted to a distinct idea or argument. A clear introductory statement, paragraphs for each argument (with examples), and a conclusion would enhance clarity and organization.
examples
Focus on clarity in your examples. While your mention of research and findings is good, more specific details or statistics could strengthen your argument.
grammar spelling
Consider revisiting your grammar and spelling to enhance the overall readability of your essay. Paying attention to these details can significantly impact the reader’s understanding of your points.
argument depth
For a balanced argument, consider exploring both views more deeply before stating your opinion. This approach ensures a comprehensive understanding of the topic for the reader.
task response
You have successfully addressed both sides of the argument in your essay, which is a key requirement for the task.
use of examples
Your essay reflects an effort to use examples to support your arguments, an essential aspect of a good essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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