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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011
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The line chart provides key information about the number of
questions
Use synonyms
 received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a half year from
Jan
Use synonyms
 to
Jun
Use synonyms
 duration in 2011 by three methods, in person, by letter/email or by telephone. The units are measured in a number of
questions
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that in
Jun
Use synonyms
, letter/email had the lowest figure of users compared to other methods.
In addition
Linking Words
,
in-person
Add an article
the in-person
an in-person
show examples
method
Use synonyms
 had the lowest statistic that the office received in
Jan
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 it was the highest
method
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which has
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 used in
Jun
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,
in-person
Correct article usage
the in-person
show examples
method
Use synonyms
 faced a significant increase from
Jan
Use synonyms
 to
Jun
Use synonyms
. It began with a little above 400 and it reached almost 1900. By letter/ email
method
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the only
method
Use synonyms
 which faced a
drop
Use synonyms
 in numbers. It started with almost 800
questions
Use synonyms
 and faced a tiny
drop
Use synonyms
 to Mar,
then
Linking Words
 there was
anotable
Correct your spelling
a notable
drop
Use synonyms
 from Mar to
Jun
Use synonyms
, and it reached under 400. In terms of
telephone
Correct article usage
the telephone
show examples
method
Use synonyms
, it started with approximately 800 and it faced
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unremarkable
drop
Use synonyms
 from
Jan
Use synonyms
 to Feb.
then
Linking Words
 it faced a significant increase from Feb to
Jun
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 it reached 1600 inquiries
questions
Use synonyms
 by
Jun
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words questions, jan, jun, method, drop with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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