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Band 7

These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#kids #time #computer #games #sports #development
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These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing video
games
instead
 of doing
sports
due to
 numerous reasons.
Firstly
, computer
games
 do not require the player to step outside; they can be played from the convenience of their home. Most
sports
 are outdoor and require stepping outside subjecting the player to the outside environment which is not always pleasant
whereas
 video
games
 can be enjoyed right from one's room in a controlled environment. Another reason for avoidance of
sports
 can be the risk of injury which can cause discomfort and pain.
Secondly
, these
games
 do not require a lot of learning to get started like in
sports
 where a player must spend time understanding the rules and hone their skills before even getting started.
For example
, cricket requires a beginner to learn how to hold the bat and the mechanics of bowling before they can start playing.
Lastly
, kids in
this
 generation have been exposed to a lot of technology right from birth which has affected their interaction with the world. They prefer to interact with the world digitally not only for entertainment but
also
 for socialising. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative development as
this
 can have a negative impact on a
child
's
overall
 development. Participating in
sports
 can help a
child
 achieve better physical health
due to
 the amount of physical activity involved. Inspiring more kids to take up
sports
 can
also
 help combat increasing childhood obesity as it is proven that physically active children are less likely to become obese later in life. Most
sports
also
 require teamwork, discipline, and leadership which are crucial for
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 development of a
child
.
Additionally
,
sports
also
 develop a
child
's ability to form and maintain social connections.
Submitted by nakuleshj1998 on

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task achievement
Expand more on the specific impacts of playing video games on children’s development. This will provide a deeper analysis and improve your score in 'complete response.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using more transitional phrases can enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
You provided clear and comprehensive ideas about the causes and effects of the trend.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are well-supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • accessibility
  • sophisticated marketing
  • addictive design
  • screen time
  • parental influence
  • safety concerns
  • indoor activities
  • social aspect
  • introverted
  • traditional sports
  • inadvertently
  • capture children's attention
What to do next:
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