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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Research into new types of medicine is essential to improve health and deal with disease. Who do you think should fund this research- private companies, individuals, or governments? g = economy, tax p = g more important, salay

#research #medicine #health #disease #fund #research- #companies #individuals #governments #g #economy #tax #p #salay
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Scientists work hard to discover and create new types of drugs to protect
people
 from various diseases;
however
, some
people
 believe that
govenments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should pay for them,
while
 others believe that it is the population's responsibility. In
this
 report, I will go through both sides and
then
 allow me
to conclude
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 point of view. Protecting citizens is the government's responsibility because they are in charge of making sure that every resident feels restful, peaceful,
healthey
Correct your spelling
healthy
, and comfortable.
To begin
 with, the country's economy should be spent to improve citizens' health. For
further
 explanation, the primary benefit of financial resources is to provide better lives for residents, and
this
 can be achieved by paying for scientists so that they can study a variety of illnesses and discover new kinds of medicine.
Besides
 that,
people
 ,already, pay money to the
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
.
For example
, in many countries, companies, workers, and customers should pay taxes to their governments, so their money should be consumed to discover new types of medicine. Even though the points mentioned above are influencing, there are reverse points that hold equal influence.
Firstly
, governments consume the financial resources in more important fields.
Whereas
, many reports capture that they pay for different facilities to improve the environment, streets, and public foundations;
as a consequence
, the economy is not enough to pay for researchers
also
.
Secondly
, it is the inhabitants' responsibility to take care of themselves. For
further
 explanation, many articles show that
people
consume
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their salaries
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 unnecessary things
such
 as extra clothing, food, and personal products, so they should spend their incomes to protect themselves
instead
 of that. In conclusion,
although
 citizens should take care of their health, their government is responsible for providing a satisfying
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 for them;
therefore
, I believe that
govenments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should fund
this
 research.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Task Response
To strengthen your argument, integrate more specific examples or real-world evidence to support your points. While you've mentioned reports and articles, directly citing such studies or statistics could further enhance your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and engagement. While your essay is well-structured, a greater variety of sentence types can make your writing more dynamic.
General
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical consistency, particularly with terms like 'government' which was misspelt. While small inaccuracies are not heavily penalized, consistent accuracy contributes to clearer communication.
Task Response
Your essay effectively covers both views on who should fund medical research, providing a balanced discussion before stating your own viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is commendable, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion that ties back to the introduction.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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