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Band 6.5

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.
#ratio #men #period #women
The line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the
ratio
 of men and women
in
Change preposition
apply
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consuming tobacco and over the given period men were the most consumers.
Overall
, the
ratio
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased over the time
perioed
Correct your spelling
period
while
female
Add an article
the female
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ratio
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased with some fluctuations.
To begin
, In 1960, 600 of 1000 people in men stood in the highest
positon
Correct your spelling
position
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 and
this
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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steadily decreased to just around 550 in 1970 and
then
 it
falls
Wrong verb form
fell
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 to nearly 450 in 1980
then
Replace the word
than
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 after it
reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
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 the lowest number
therefore
 approximately 250.
On the other hand
, during the beginning of the recorded
period
Add a comma
period,
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 females were in the least
positon
Correct your spelling
position
show examples
 with just under 100 of 1000 people and it was almost doubled in just 5 years and it
remains
Wrong verb form
remained
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 five years, there is a notice of sudden increase 1975 with 300 and continued till 1980.
Since
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From
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 1980 to 2000
Correct article usage
the womens'
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womens'
Change noun form
women's
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ratio
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased to nearly 200
of
Change preposition
out of
show examples
 1000 people.
Submitted by eeretimaheshsritej on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words ratio with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "ratio" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ratio
  • trends
  • cultural factors
  • societal influences
  • biological factors
  • awareness campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • correlated declines
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • stress levels
  • employment status
  • education levels
  • income
  • advertising
  • tobacco industry
  • marketing tactics
  • demographics
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