IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.
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The line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of men and women
in
Change preposition
apply
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consuming tobacco and over the given period men were the most consumers.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased over the time
perioed
Correct your spelling
period
while
Linking Words
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased with some fluctuations.
To begin
Linking Words
, In 1960, 600 of 1000 people in men stood in the highest
positon
Correct your spelling
position
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
steadily decreased to just around 550 in 1970 and
then
Linking Words
 it
falls
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 to nearly 450 in 1980
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 after it
reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 the lowest number
therefore
Linking Words
 approximately 250.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, during the beginning of the recorded
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 females were in the least
positon
Correct your spelling
position
show examples
 with just under 100 of 1000 people and it was almost doubled in just 5 years and it
remains
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 five years, there is a notice of sudden increase 1975 with 300 and continued till 1980.
Since
Change preposition
From
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 1980 to 2000
Correct article usage
the womens'
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womens'
Change noun form
women's
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased to nearly 200
of
Change preposition
out of
show examples
 1000 people.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words ratio with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "ratio" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ratio
  • trends
  • cultural factors
  • societal influences
  • biological factors
  • awareness campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • correlated declines
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • stress levels
  • employment status
  • education levels
  • income
  • advertising
  • tobacco industry
  • marketing tactics
  • demographics
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