IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing
problems
. I
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
 statement and here are examples that will support the
Correct your spelling
statement
stamens
stament
Correct your spelling
statement
Firstly
 reducing environmental
problems
 should be prioritized as it could
Correct your spelling
affect
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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health
Add an article
the health
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 of citizens because we have to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
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 in air
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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, drink clear water , and food that we eat daily
for example
 if the air
are
Change the verb form
is
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 polluted can affect the
lung
Fix the agreement mistake
lungs
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 of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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, and can cause cancer in the long term
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 housing
problems
, if
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 can't afford the
accomudation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 can become homeless. it could lead to so many
problems
such
 as poor
Correct your spelling
hygiene
hygeine
Correct your spelling
hygiene
, lack of nutrition and safety
for instance
 how can someone cook
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good food if they don't have a house that
provide
Change the verb form
provides
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 heat, shelter and
place
Correct article usage
a place
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 to take a bath In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 reducing
enviroemental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 pollution and housing
problems
 could play a huge role
to prevent
Change preposition
in preventing
show examples
 illness and disease for peoples that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 have to take care
Submitted by atiwat.simprasertth on

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Enhance coherence
To improve coherence, try to ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the one before. Using connective words (however, furthermore, for instance) can help guide the reader through your argument.
Deepen content
For a higher score in task achievement, expand your ideas with more detailed examples. Sharing specific studies, facts, or personal anecdotes can make your argument stronger and more compelling.
Structure improvement
Work on developing a more structured introduction and conclusion. Clearly state your opinion in the introduction, summarize your main points in the conclusion, and avoid introducing new ideas at the end.
Clear stance
Successfully states agreement with the given statement, guiding the essay's direction.
Relevant examples
Includes examples that support the main argument, illustrating the importance of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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