IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Putting in a situation in which bad results can happen is becoming essential for individuals' lives, including in their careers and their own lives. From
this
 writer's perspective, the benefits of expanding their range of horizons and key skills outweigh the drawbacks of potential
risks
 of painful failure, even death. It has been widely proven that taking
risks
 can bring about opportunities for
people
 to try their best. To explain
further
,
people
 take part in the situation that motivates them to make a true effort, rather than seeing it as an ending.
As a result
, they can take advantage of their hidden skills and make a breakthrough beyond what they see as a limit,
not to mention
 reversing the situation better.
For instance
, Bill Gates is known as a successful entrepreneur thanks to leaving a well-known school called Harvard and founding a new brand of computers with small finance from working part-time, which was a risky choice.
However
, failure and injury can appear as a challenge to overcome as the drawbacks of taking
risks
.
In other words
, not always all
people
 can succeed as expected when making a dangerous decision, which can cause bitter disappointment for those who made an effort.
This
 is a valid point, but
people
 can see failure as a chance to improve their abilities becoming better and get practical experience, whilst the injury can be avoided by some helpful advice.
Hence
,
this
 writer is swayed by the predictable benefits of taking
risks
. Taking all points into account, despite the possibility of being injured and failing to take
risks
, the advantages of widening the horizon and improving necessary skills reasonably outweigh the drawbacks.
Therefore
, it should be recommended that
people
 have a growth mindset to take
risks
 articulating with getting useful advice from various resources.
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task achievement
Try to enhance your arguments with more diverse examples, not only global figures like Bill Gates. Adding examples closer to everyday life can make your essay more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly separated. While your essay has a logical flow, sometimes the transition between points can be more distinctly marked.
coherence cohesion
Check for minor grammar mistakes and awkward phrasing. While they do not substantially affect comprehension, polishing your language can elevate your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear start and end to your arguments.
task achievement
The main points of your argument are supported by relevant examples, making your stance convincing and well-argued.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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