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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people feel young people should follow traditions of their societies, others believe that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

One of the highly controversial issues among individuals is whether youngsters should adhere to their
culture
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 and traditions or make decisions freely. In
this
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 essay, the idea of the first group, which aims to preserve cultural identity, and the second perspective, in terms of
modernization
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 and exchanging
culture
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, will be discussed. Given the
culture
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 of any nation is an integral part of civilization, supporters claim that it is important for young
people
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 to follow it.
Thus
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, they do not allow to erode the local tradition and cultural practices.
For instance
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, Nowruz, which is a Persian festival that marks the beginning of the new year in countries like Iran, is an integral part of their
culture
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.
As a result
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, every day not only is
this
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 day appreciated by young
people
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, but
also
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 all
people
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 of different ages.
On the other hand
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, opponents believe that youngsters should have the freedom to choose, particularly in embracing different
cultures
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 and
modernization
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. In fact, with
modernization
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 individuals have many options for selection. The availability wide range of communication can help them to opt well behaviour for their life.
Additionally
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, exposure to different
cultures
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 can promote understanding of
culture
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 among
people
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 from various backgrounds. particularly, if young
people
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 have the right to choose, will gain a better understanding of the
culture
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 of other nations, and
also
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 apply diverse
cultures
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 and different perspectives in their lives. In conclusion,
while
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 free choice enabled young
people
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 to explore different
cultures
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 and make informed decisions
due to
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modernization
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,
however
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, I would argue that neglecting societal traditions and
culture
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 can have detrimental effects. It may result in the loss of cultural identity, which holds significant consequences for the nation in the long run.

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Task Achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. While the mention of the Nowruz festival is excellent, adding more examples could strengthen your case for both viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on how neglecting traditions can have detrimental effects more concretely in your conclusion, to solidify your argument and own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, leading the reader smoothly from introduction through to the conclusion. Keep maintaining this logical flow in your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing. This can also help in articulating ideas more clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effective introduction of the topic and clear presentation of both views.
Task Achievement
Good use of an example with the Nowruz festival to illustrate the importance of tradition.
Coherence & Cohesion
Logical and clear structure throughout the essay, making your arguments easy to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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