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Band 7

One of the consquences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantacges of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#consquences #care #people #life #expectancy #advantacges #outweigh
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Nowadays, the world's population has been increasing
due to
 the progression of medical knowledge resulting in decreased mortality rate and increased life expectancy.From my point of view,
although
 having more
time
 to live means
people
 can utilize their extra
time
 with their family ,it causes problems
such
 as lower GDP in some countries and
caregiver
 burden.
Firstly
, an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 society is one of the main problems that some countries have suffered from .Diseases that were likely to be harmful to humans in the past are no longer our concern now since the improvement of medical treatment has developed rapidly,especially in the past decade.Another factor is the reduction of growth rate.Combining these two factors causes the elderly to be the majority of
people
,which means fewer
people
 in working age.Eventually, these can cause a lower productivity rate.
Additionally
,the majority of elderly
people
 surviving from severe diseases tend to be bedridden.These patients usually depend on their caregivers,
therefore
 one person from the family has to sacrifice his work and
time
 to take care of their relatives,
otherwise
 someone must employ a professional to take care of
this
 job ,which requires a large amount of money.
Consequently
,a
caregiver
 always has a condition called
caregiver
 burden.
In other words
,spending his
time
 taking care of the elderly who cannot help themselves leads to losing control of his life,lacking privacy and fatigue. To summarize,it is true to say that living longer means spending more
time
 with loved ones,but it
also
 means that enhances the cost of looking after the elderly and accumulates the
caregiver
 burden.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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relevant specific examples
Enhance your examples with more specific data or studies. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
complete response
Try to provide a balanced view by briefly mentioning potential advantages if the essay is focused on disadvantages.
logical structure
To improve clarity, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, possibly by using linking words.
introduction conclusion present
You have clearly introduced the topic and provided a concise thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay maintains a consistent focus on the disadvantages of increased life expectancy.
logical structure
Your essay is well-structured, with each paragraph addressing a specific point related to the main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • medical care
  • disease management
  • surgical techniques
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • family bonds
  • social contribution
  • healthcare systems
  • chronic disease
  • geriatric care
  • pension systems
  • resource allocation
  • quality of life
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